“You are beautiful,” he whispered to me
“If you say so.”
“Do ye not believe me? Have I ever lied to you?”
“That’s not what I mean. I mean— if you say it, then it’s true.”
Diana Gabaldon. The Fiery Cross
I have pondered over this concept a lot. When Grace first sees Ben in Grace Awakening Dreams, she thinks he’s completely average and uninteresting. By the end of Grace Awakening Power, she describes him as handsome, golden, and glorious.
What has changed? Has he literally become better looking, or has her perception of him just altered, so that she finds him more attractive? Does being in love, and having someone love you make you more attractive?
I think the answer to all three questions is yes.
It reminds me of a parable I heard when I was a teen about the 100 cow wife. Hunting on the internet, I see that it’s actually about an 8 cow wife. (lol Memory inflation!) The gist of the story is that you get what you pay for. If you want a beauty, you have to treat her like a beauty.
Physical beauty, internal beauty, or whatever, your declaration to the beloved is what makes it true. Conversely, if you denigrate your spouse, call him or her names, and put him or her down, you create what you declare. You create what you desire and what you declare.