Astonished eyes
Gushing mouths
They say, “You’re so beautiful.”
Compliments deserve courtesy
“Thank you.”
Warm smile.
Their words are bees,
around a flower.
Droning pleasantries.
You are the only one
who needs to say the line,
and you
do not.
What is beauty?
What fear lies beneath refusal
to see it?
What interpretation of honesty
forces you to decline
to observe it?
The flowers in the vase
sit in green water,
heads drooping,
stems rubber,
celebration of beauty
worn by time, fading into
compost for future
blossoming.
There is a certain futility
in buds blooming in a vase,
but undeniable beauty
bursting open without hope
of bearing fruit.
Out the smallest window
verdant velvet valleys glisten green,
fold under blue grey hills
beneath a sky without a touch of cloud.
Today dew settles on leaves and reflects
the illumination of heaven.
I love you
I want to be with you
he said
but I can’t ever call you beautiful
I’ll say lovely
and that’s better
She nodded uncertainly
wondering what that meant
Years later
she reminded him of his words.
I was an ass,
he said.
But he still could not
bring himself
to say the word.
She was dazzling
in the cosmetic department
getting lessons in drawing eye brows.
Her silver hair was cut
power short.
Stunning.
It emphasized her features:
glorious twinkling eyes
perfect nose
determined mouth.
Who needs make up
to add to that beauty?
Her hair set her above,
showed her panache,
made me smile,
and look twice.
Then she thanked the clerk
for the lesson,
set on a chemo cap
and her vitality
disappeared.
“You are beautiful,” he whispered to me
“If you say so.”
“Do ye not believe me? Have I ever lied to you?”
“That’s not what I mean. I mean— if you say it, then it’s true.”Diana Gabaldon. The Fiery Cross
I have pondered over this concept a lot. When Grace first sees Ben in Grace Awakening Dreams, she thinks he’s completely average and uninteresting. By the end of Grace Awakening Power, she describes him as handsome, golden, and glorious.
What has changed? Has he literally become better looking, or has her perception of him just altered, so that she finds him more attractive? Does being in love, and having someone love you make you more attractive?
I think the answer to all three questions is yes.
It reminds me of a parable I heard when I was a teen about the 100 cow wife. Hunting on the internet, I see that it’s actually about an 8 cow wife. (lol Memory inflation!) The gist of the story is that you get what you pay for. If you want a beauty, you have to treat her like a beauty.
Physical beauty, internal beauty, or whatever, your declaration to the beloved is what makes it true. Conversely, if you denigrate your spouse, call him or her names, and put him or her down, you create what you declare. You create what you desire and what you declare.
I’ve been thinking about beauty lately.
A couple of years ago, I decided that I wasn’t going to bring anything into my house that wasn’t aesthetically beautiful. Following that “A thing of beauty is a joy forever” model, I determined that if an object can be beautiful, why choose the ugly one over a beautiful one for the sake of a few dollars? So far this has worked out very well with objects, but an obsession with beauty poses some complications when dealing with real people.
We have such a love/hate turmoil over the concept of beauty. Most of us equate beauty with attractiveness. Attractiveness seems to be a ephemeral thing, yet studies say it can be measured on an attractiveness scale that relies on symmetry . Other studies suggest the key to beauty is being absolutely average (a fascinating phenomenon called koinophilia that I will explore in another blog entry). I’m not sure that attractiveness is truly synonymous with beauty.
Attractiveness suggests a drawing in of others. To attract is to pull others to you, and our society has made it easy to become attractive. Miracles are promised by this cream or that potion. Surgeons are ready and more than willing to prey on the desire of people to lose their uniqueness, to be so average that they become pretty. Bigger breasts, flatter tummies, straighter noses, and firmer chins are all for sale. Everyone looks like everyone else and theoretically people are being drawn to each other like bees to flowers.
The wonder of beauty is that it has an air of the unattainable. It is distant. Physical beauty is to be worshipped and admired, not to be possessed. It’s not about drawing in; it’s about standing apart. In people attractiveness exists briefly and then fades as sexual virility is lost to age. It is temporal. But there is a beauty in form and movement which reveals a special grace beyond time. In an elegant elder, grace shows in a spirit of beauty that is completely indefinable. There is nothing symmetrical about it. It is far from average. It is a beauty that grabs you and leaves your heart glowing in your chest. That’s real beauty. It is unique, creative, and eternal.
True beauty is grace.
© Shawn Bird 2010
