You are twisted in knots
pulled here, there, everywhere,
responsibilities,
avoiding hostilities,
paying utilities,
cleaning facilities.
You are wound tight
tossed left and right
crushed under mighty
feet, but step into this
darkened space
seek solace from the thoughts
that race,
trace peace.
Surcease.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Release.
.
.
for Lorien
You ask me for my email address
When given, much to my distress
You claim it’s already registered.
Why yes! I tell machine, that’s me, for sure!
You ask me for user name and password
But when I type them, you claim I’m invalid.
Oh, you passive aggressive machine,
You’re not acting like part of this team!
Inside the circuits of your brain
you’re plotting how to cause me pain.
I can hear your fan blade snicker,
as you plot to raise blood pressure.
Oh computer, use your power for good,
and work like the techies claim you should!
.
.
(Another day, another frustrating encounter with technology!)
I am not enough
to fill the void.
A yawning maw,
a gaping hole,
inadequacy piled upon inadequacy
overwhelms
and I
do not have the mass
to shore up against this tide
of weakness compounded
year after year until they got here.
I am battered.
I am broken.
I am not enough.
They say
you can’t get blood from a stone,
but there you are
grinding
and bleeding from the effort.
There you are
releasing your hard heart
and weeping change.
Oh sure,
it hurts to be stoned
It’ll kill you, if the impact
hits the right place,
but a bloody stone
is only a reminder
of your strength.
Stones were once mountains
Worn by time and pressure
your mountain has become a stone,
and from your tight grip
drips
blood.
At this difficult season
When opinions impale reason
May we not divide
but warmly abide
within a strong fellowship
built on relationships
of respectful courtesy
as we serve our community.
May we rise as *votary
to the service of Rotary.
.
*vocabulary- a ‘votary’ is a devoted adherent.
For free use within Rotary. Please credit Shawn Bird of Shuswap Rotary, District 5060 with authorship when you present the invocation at your club, and please leave a comment below so Rotarians know when and where it’s been used. Thank you.
It’s a shadow
she can’t quite see,
just behind her head.
A sensation of suspicion
quickening between
her shoulder blades.
A darkness settling in
a midnight coloured cape.
Oppressive premonitions
that demand she hides, fades away.
No energy for fight or flight
when confronting the black horror
of night.
The dog pulls you down the street.
Your eyes are hazy,
Your hair is wild.
Your beard’s unkempt.
Your steps thud awkwardly like you’ve forgotten how to walk.
If the outside reflects the inside,
you definitely need some time
to regain your health again.
You are deluded.
People are
laughing at you behind your back?
No. They’re not.
You Interpret casual, general remarks about the state of the universe
as personal attacks.
You are like my fear aggressive dog,
seeing people in the distance
growling from afar, shaking and snapping.
But they’re…!
No. They’re not.
You need a Gentle leader
to pull your mouth closed
bite back those lies
calm your hysteria.
You’re snapping and panting at air.
Last night,
I wept over your broken body,
watching bloody pools expanding
beneath your feet.
Today,
you needed seven anti-anxiety pills
and still paced and cried,
your heart throbbing.
Were we dreaming side by side?
Did you see my vision?
Were you scared by day
from mother dreams
of death?
.
.
.
(The dog again. Sigh. Put him in the Gentle Leader halter after dinner and he calmed down. Might try that during the day tomorrow.)
whimper
pant
pace
whine
pant
woof?
pant
woof
pace
pant
woof!
pant
WOOF!
pant
cry
WOOF wooooof!
pant
sigh
.
.
My 15 year old standard poodle is still unable to manage alone after we had to put down our 16.5 year old miniature poodle last month. We now allow him to sleep in our bedroom. Last night, after he’d been pacing and whimpering from 1:30 to 2 a.m. (post snack and pee-break) I actually got out of bed to lie beside him on the floor for 20 minutes until he settled. I’m not sure if that’s enabling, but we were all able to sleep afterwards. A visit to the vet this week, and a trip to his favourite kennel master next week, and I have hopes that perhaps he’ll be able to cope soon. The mourning process is a challenge for us all.
