Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

quote- identity October 30, 2013

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 11:24 am
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“You’ve always been what you are.  That’s not new.  What you’ll get used to is knowing it.”

(Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel p. 308)

In 2009, my novel Grace Awakening was finished, and I was staring stunned at the proof book, dumbstruck that I had actually done it.  I had written 150,000 words over six months, and created a world that other people were reading and liking.  I reflected this amazement to a friend who’d been reading my work since I was a kid, and he wrote, “You’re a writer.  You’ve always been a writer.”

I stared at those words on the screen for the longest time, trying to absorb them:

I am a writer.

Not a wanna-be writer.  Not a hopeful writer.  Not a someday writer.  I am a writer, and I have *always* been a writer.

It probably took me 3 years to fully accept that identity.  To embrace who I am.  When my friends started introducing me, not as a teacher, but as a “Shawn, the published author,” it was very profound.  It still gives me goosebumps

Then I started paying attention to the comments on my blog posts, and realised that I am also a poet.

I am a poet.

I was a little quicker to accept that idea, since it is so closely related to being a writer.  I have this image of poets as slightly crazy people, who live in weird houses, dress in crazy outfits, and have a lot of cats.  Well, two out of four is enough to face the truth.

I have embraced my creative self, and it is getting weirder and weirder.  The other day I seriously considered buying a wooden caravan style RV (I’ll try to take a photo of this beauty).  My husband would freak out at the very idea.  There probably isn’t enough room for my shoes, but I looked at that caravan, and was ready to hit the road. To become the wandering Bohemian I’ve beaten down my whole life.

Who I am is not new.  My friend was right, I’ve always been a writer.  I’ve been chattering away telling stories since I could talk.  I shared stories I wrote in grade 3 show and tell.  I won my first poetry prize in grade 4.   I’ve always been who I am.

Now that I’m not just accepting it, but I’m embracing it, I feel alive.  I feel like I am fulfilling my destiny.  I feel RIGHT in my world, because I am able to be who I am supposed to be.  I write.  I can not do things because I need to write.  People come to my blog, and tell me how my words make them feel, or think, or…  My words are who I am.

Who are you?

 

quote- Cassandra Clare on change

Filed under: Quotations,Reading — Shawn L. Bird @ 3:14 am
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“Sometimes,” Jem said, “our lives can change so fast that the change outpaces our minds and hearts.  It’s those time, I think, when our lives have altered but we still long for the time before everything was altered–that is when we feel the greatest pain.  I can tell you, though, from experience, you grow accustomed to it.  You learn to live your new life, and you can’t imagine, or even really remember, how things were before.” (Clockwork Angel, p. 308)

I remember sitting in the hospital chapel on Easter Sunday just after the birth of my daughter.  I sat there, with tears streaming down my face, just absorbing all the change.  My life would never be the same again.  It wasn’t.  I left the hospital and embarked upon a completely different adventure.

What time in your life were you suddenly engulfed and overwhelmed by change?

 

This needs to be watched. October 29, 2013

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 9:39 pm

Shane Koyczan is from my home town. He is a powerful poet.

Casey Porter (aka kSea flux)'s avatarof Petals & Thorns

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poem- fractured

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 6:46 pm
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I know

you’re broken.

I see the fracture lines

behind your eyes

I feel the seepage

leaking from the crack in your soul.

I have

needle, thread

glue

and hope.

I’ll share.

 

poem- kill the critic

Kill the critic:

let him drown in the

flow of your words.

Kill the critic:

let him sear in the

molten eruption

from the core of you.

Kill the critic:

let him smother

gasping against the tide

of your creativity,

.grasping at the emptiness

that was your insecurities.

Kill the critic:

be free.

.

.

NB: I do not advocate murder of anything but the inner voice that tells you that you’re inadequate.  Your inner critic has no business in your writing head-space.   You can’t edit a blank page.

 

poem- echoes

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 2:51 am
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I bought

an adorable black hat

at Goorin Bros.

Tilted the burgundy brim

to the perfect angle

Grabbed my new

wooly black ruana,

draped it around my shoulders

with a flourish, loving the fall

of the ruffled edges,

the weight, the warmth.

I felt my creativity

shouting through the garb,

felt Bohemian, wild, and artistic.

Then I grinned in the mirror

and saw the echo of my

great-grandmother’s

Salvation Army cape and bonnet.

We never get too far away

from home.

 

 

poem- autumn ghosts October 28, 2013

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:39 am
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City

streets

are graveyards

of summer leaves.

Their blood red corpses

crushed beneath our feet

 ghostly impressions

on concrete:

art in

decay

.

(for Leena, in memory of our Yaletown adventures Sunday morning)

 

poem- faith October 27, 2013

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:38 pm
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It is enough

that you fill the hollow places.

When you’re in your darkness,

the glistening of faith in you

can find the warmth you need

so what was empty

overflows with me.

 

poem- beautiful

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 9:43 am
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I love you

I want to be with you

he said

but I can’t ever call you beautiful

I’ll say lovely

and that’s better

She nodded uncertainly

wondering what that meant

Years later

she reminded him of his words.

I was an ass,

he said.

But he still could not

bring himself

to say the word.

 

poem- self-fulfilling prophecies October 26, 2013

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 7:48 am
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At four hundred pounds

she filled every room

I am beautiful!

I am amazing!

I am entertaining!

I will help you succeed!

They didn’t question

her self-control

her ugly words

her petty cruelties

her avarice

They accepted every word

and made it true.