You were
exorcized
letter by letter,
word by word,
phrase by phrase,
sentence by sentence,
paragraph by paragraph,
page by page,
chapter by chapter.
Now you are
merely a spectre
who peeks around corners
whispers at my ear
hums for my remembrance.
My only benediction
on the lost boy
from long ago
is the bittersweet smile
and the faraway glimmer
in my eyes.
It was woven
like light
dappling between the leaves
of our maple tree,
your voice, soft in memory,
searching for the heart of me.
It was woven
like lithe
subtleties between the grease
of our maigre feast,
your voice, lost in murmurings
purging forth our history.
It was woven
like life
sampling between the griefs
of our marble stele
your voice, wafts in every
yearning it exhorts of me.
.
.
I may be stretching your vocabulary with this one! Here’s some help:
maigre- religious diet without the flesh or juice of animals
stele- pillar, marker, tombstone (pron. like STEEL-y)
Your gift
My heart
Your time
My money
Your devotion
My desire
Either way
Us.
They speak of gifts
from former lovers:
vases
or black eyes,
rings
or babies.
They carry
former intimacies:
horrors and tragedies
traumas and ecstasies.
I have no
former lover,
I carry only
years with you;
no horrors mar our history,
just monogamous longevity–
our effort at ontogeny.
.
.
She arrives home exhausted.
“Ooh,” he says, nose curled.
“Those pants are terrible.”
She stares at him, deposits groceries on the counter,
heads down the hall,
and collapses into bed, too tired
to discuss appropriate comments,
respect, and positive encouragement.
She sleeps.
Hours later, she awakens, hungry,
makes some toast.
He comes upstairs. “The kid is out,” he says,
heading to the bedroom.
Ah, she thinks. That’s code for ‘Apology sex.’
Wise of him.
She bathes, listening to him preparing
in the other bathroom.
She climbs into bed,
to find him snoring.
She wishes she had eaten beans,
cauliflower
and cabbage for dinner.
She ponders delivering a two footed
kick to his backside, propelling him out of bed,
and into the wall.
(An easy task, since now she probably outweighs him).
Instead, she rolls over,
and sleeps.
I grew up
a pampered princess
a late life arrival, long desired.
I felt my father’s
fondness every day-
a travelling salesman
who never missed a moment
of my active life.
But you
lost your father
along the way, lost sight
of him over the barriers
your mother built between you.
What was it like to find him
as he was dying, knowing
he had never stopped
loving you, though you
were equally lost to him?
Once you found him,
he slipped into eternity.
As I watch you, so
polished at your work,
on this career high,
I wonder,
Are you still a lost boy?
Or did the chance to embrace him
at the end of his life,
to know how proud he was of you,
help ease the sorrow
as you set him free to fly?
I forgive you
for not meeting me for tea
And I wonder,
what kind of father
will you let yourself be?
.
.
(For S&D)
We are 1-0:
tall and short
quiet and verbose
slender and round
scientific and artistic
Together we are
perfect.
“I want to look,”
she says.
Finger outlining
the focus of
her attention,
she walks
a slow, studious circle
of analysis
and inevitable
appreciation.
.
“Fair’s fair,”
he says,
stepping back
with a glint in his eye,
joyfully
thankful for circumstance
that made her
his.
.
.
.
Another poem based on Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander; this one based on Ron Moore’s TV series, specifically episode 107, “The Wedding.”
I tried to
return your letters
once,
but they are
still here,
and the hurt
in your voice
still echoes,
when I unfold
pages.
Shawn L. Bird 