Something is missing from my life:
the crack of the ax
winter’s firewood piled high
wood smoke rising from a chimney
the snapping from the grate
heat sinking into the bones
live fire, primordial comfort,
on a cold night, its golden, spitting light
shadow painting a picture of all we
require.
I expected
in my youth
a natural ending.
You railed against presumption.
Never!
Always!
Hyperbole spun us out,
Now our orbits can’t intersect.
I was okay with that,
until I wasn’t.
We’re not supposed to break promises,
even irrelevant ones.
Curse nostalgia.
He didn’t say it.
Not on the day
or the day after, when he used to remember.
No more embers. glowing.
Not hanging on the threads anymore, I just realized.
How strange when forever
truly dies.
Your eyes glow
when you see me across the room.
It’s been a long time.
You’re still wearing your heart
on your arm.
Once again,
I feel appreciation for your admiration,
awkward it’s still unrequited.
Oh, the confusion of my youthful charms.
Thank you, for
reminding me
so sweetly
who I used to be.
In my old neighbourhood
I stop at a light-controlled intersection
that didn’t used to be,
On the corner
I see a glimmer of a younger me
in my safety patrol vest,
the stop sign at my back,
waiting for the whistle to spring to action
decades ago.
I turn on the TV:
Hockey commentary.
I am ten again.
Dad’s in the family room.
Whooping
Groaning
Arguing with the ref.
I feel a rush of nostalgia.
Turn the channel.
I feel your humming.
Though you are far,
the vibrations of your present loss
reverberate.
I am humming
remembering you
near
nearer
nearest
wrapped around
my memories
squeezing like
a garbage compactor
humming
as it crushes
moments into
memories.
I found your cardigan
and held it close
searching for the sensation of your arms.
I gathered up the folds
and held it to my nose
searching for the scent of you.
You’ve been gone too long.
Instead of holding memories
Now
it’s just a sweater
you once wore.
This was your toothpaste.
The tube still holds the contours of your fist
the last squeeze you gave it.
I wrap my hand around
imagine your grip,
the skin on your hand like satin tissue
squeezing paste to scrub your teeth.
It is a long time before I can remove the lid
and squeeze the paste onto my own brush.
Remembering your hand
holding mine.
She inhales a scent of memory
Old sweater that remembers the body it enfolded
Releasing comforting peace amid grief.
.
.
Thinking of a character in a short story I’ve been crafting, today.
Shawn L. Bird 