Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

poem- computer woes November 24, 2017

 

You ask me for my email address

When given, much to my distress

You claim it’s already registered.

Why yes!  I tell machine, that’s me, for sure!

You ask me for  user name and password

But when I type them, you claim I’m invalid.

Oh, you passive aggressive machine,

You’re not acting like part of this team!

Inside the circuits of your brain

you’re plotting how to cause me pain.

I can hear your fan blade snicker,

as you plot to raise blood pressure.

Oh computer, use your power for good,

and work like the techies claim you should!

.

.

(Another day, another frustrating encounter with technology!)

 

Advertisements
 

poem- hatted June 22, 2016

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 10:33 am
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

A jaunty hat catches eyes

inspires a smile.

A jaunty hat always tries

to beguile

but it’s too happy to seduce

its morals are not loose

That hat’s a joyful

welcome mat to fun.

 

poem- wiggy January 12, 2016

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 7:42 pm
Tags: , ,

How is it that I have any hair on my head,

When I just cut enough off of the vacuum beater bar

to make a wig?

 

poem- a trifle January 11, 2016

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 5:04 pm
Tags: , , , , , , ,

A trifle is an insignificant thing

but not so when set within a trifle bowl

filled to the brim with

custard, cake, whipped cream

and pudding or gelatin

Any of which is itself complete

but oxymoronically a trifle is not trifling feast.

 

poem- savings November 18, 2015

When Brianna asked why the Brits have such horrible toilet paper,

“Hearts of oak are our men,” Roger intoned, “stainless steel are their bums. It builds the national character.”

Diana Gabaldon in
Dragonfly in Amber

The government is loudly raving

school districts must  search for savings!

As they replaced all our paper dispensers

with giant boxes, our sphinxters grew tenser

The paper that’s extruded, (please trust this fact)

is a complete and absolute pain on the ass.

We’ve had to get tougher as the years go by

but this toilet paper, with its single thick, crispy ply,

is taking it a step too far.   If *Christie’s contract wasn’t enough,

You’re scraping us raw.  Yeah.  These days teaching is rough.

The government doesn’t seem to register

we don’t need to have stronger character!

.

true story  :-/

* Christie Clark is the current Premier of BC, and former Minister of Education.  Teachers dislike her for her destruction and defunding of education in BC.

 

poem- matchless October 15, 2015

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 2:53 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

“I want a wood fire,” she sighed.

“Go light a match on the porch,” he said,

“and never say I don’t support

your dreams.”

.

.

.

Oh, the sarcasm!  But since they don’t have a fireplace in their house, I guess this is the best that could be managed.

 

poem-hither? July 23, 2015

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 10:01 am
Tags: , , , ,

Overheard:

She wasn’t wearing her come-hither garment?

That was his excuse?

Perhaps he should wear his come-hither garment,

it’s not like she doesn’t ask him to all the time.

(Oh dear. For lack of garment, neither he nor she is coming-hither!)

 

 
%d bloggers like this: