She shouldn’t care more about you
than you do yourself.
Your success should be on your shoulders
not on hers.
She can guide, support, aid,
but you must do the work,
think the thoughts, stretch your brain,
believe you can.
There is no easy way.
You need to care enough to be your best,
trust the tools and safe venue for risk,
let her cheer from the side,
as she watches you ride
away into your future.
You need to trust, this isn’t a place
to stay.
Today, I’m thinking of you,
new friend, met for a weekend,
those intense moments of stretching
ourselves into expectation,
birthing pains.
I find your words here,
between the pages,
and hear the anguish of your loss.
I remember our late night conversation,
the smile you fought for as you shared.
I’m thinking of you,
and wishing you lightness,
today.
If the broken pieces
didn’t blind him,
cripple him,
impale him,
perhaps he’d be free
to see her pain.
And seeing, to embrace it,
tame it, and more–
for her to show him
what she knows,
that slivers can be pulled,
that slats can be hammered,
that broken pieces can grow into crutches,
that the cracks of fractures
can be patched into a quilt
for a bed of nails.
Oh, he is broken, but
Comfort is where you find it.
You’re ready to go,
bouncing on that bed,
tired of physio, doctors, bad food,
and a four bed room.
You want the quiet privacy of home
and worked hard to earn it.
You’re ready.
While he was dying
the nurses at his bedside
chatted with one another.
When he came back to life
he told them what he heard
and they could not
meet his eyes.
.
.
(true story)
You stand silently apart
You hover on the edges
distinct
observant
I mingle like sugar in water
wondering
wishing
longing
to draw you
into my arms
to hold you
to anchor you.
But you don’t know where
those hands have been.
You seek a quiet place
to find a peaceful oasis
for the discomfort of that skin
for the ramble of those thoughts
for the torture of that crowd
I stand apart
and watch you pull yourself
in pieces
I’m laughing and chatting
and wishing I could be enough
to give you courage
strength
faith in yourself,
but I’m not.
No matter how much
my heart is full to bursting
with wanting it.
You have to be
enough
alone.
Shawn L. Bird 