Shawn L. Bird

Who you want to be is rooted in who you are.  Every decision you make today, whatever you do or say, moves you along a path that is crafting your character.  You have to be very conscious of this fact while you are debating your options, because your personal integrity is at stake.

Do I tell what I saw?

Do I take that because no one will see me?

The answers are easy.  What would the person you most want to be, do in this case?  Would the best you do that?  Would the best you say that?

Sometimes we do things to impress other people, but the things that we do to impress them take us away from who we want to be.  Often, the things we choose to do just show our immaturity, and don’t impress at all!  Like thinking smoking makes us seem more grown up.  I remember a knowing look of distain on the face of the person I was trying to impress with that.  The look of disgust meant I didn’t do it anymore.  I didn’t want any habit that made me less in those eyes.  I should have been more concerned about my own eyes.  

It’s good to have people around us to remind us to be our best selves.  People who sensitively show us that we can be better than our past, our present situation, or even our old decisions.  Today we can start off on a new path to be the person we dream of being.

All it takes is a good decision, every day and every hour.

One of the hardest things for a teacher to accept is that kids have the right to fail.  That is, as autonomous beings, if they choose not to do any work, not to attend classes, not to write tests, they are choosing to fail.  Although we will bend over backwards (in fact, we tend to quite dramatic back flip sessions!)  in order to help our students succeed, we have to let them make their own decisions, and when their decision is clear, we have to accept that they have chosen to fail.

In elementary and middle school kids don’t ever really experience academic failure.  Whether or not they have met the grade level learning outcomes, they get moved along with their peers while the skills spread out more and more.  By the time the kids reach high school there can be a ten grade level span in reading or writing ability within a class room.  Supports are there to allow a learning disabled kid to be successful.  I had a young man who read at a grade 2 level successful in my Socials 8 class years ago.  He had an amazing work ethic and was able to meet the learning outcomes.  In the same class, kids reading two or three levels above their grade were choosing to fail.  Why?

Almost always it is about exerting personal power: schoolwork is the one thing that they have complete control over, so in order to assert their autonomy over their parents or teachers (any authority will do), they refuse to cooperate and do their work.   They think this will hurt the authority figures.  It doesn’t.  In high school, there is no going forward without earning the credit.  The PASS is required by the Ministry of Education.  It is something most have never faced before, and they’re often shocked to find themselves sitting in a classroom with kids a year younger than them because they didn’t pass the course the year before.  If they remain insolent, they usually don’t pass the second time through, either.  Generally, they make it through on the third try, because by then they’ve finally figured out that they are responsible for their own success, and they are the only ones who can solve their problem.

It is even more frustrating dealing with kids who don’t make that connection.  They constantly get themselves in painful situations and although everyone else is watching and waving their arms frantically telling them not to do whatever it is- date the abusive guy, take the physics class when they barely passed non-academic math, go for a non-academic load when they should be preparing for university, they’re going the wrong way on a one way street, etc.  Others see the road ahead and try to warn them, but the kid has blinders on and refuses to see the difficulties their decision will inevitably cause them.

A mom once told me what happened when her then 18 year old daughter arrived at a special alternate school for over-age  kids to earn graduation credits.  As she looked around the room at all the other kids she used to hang out with in the smoke pit, she observed, “We wanted to get out of high school, so we skipped out, but now we’re still in high school, and the others have graduated.  I guess we weren’t as smart as we thought!”

The hardest thing is letting them go to make their own mistakes, because making mistakes is the best learning tool.  Still, I wish more were like the admirable young lady who said, “I learn from watching other people’s mistakes.”

It’s kind of like the saying, “If you can’t be a shining example, at least be a dramatic warning…”

What do you think?  Do you think kids have the right to fail?  Why?  Why not?