Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

poem- savings November 18, 2015

When Brianna asked why the Brits have such horrible toilet paper,

“Hearts of oak are our men,” Roger intoned, “stainless steel are their bums. It builds the national character.”

Diana Gabaldon in
Dragonfly in Amber

The government is loudly raving

school districts must  search for savings!

As they replaced all our paper dispensers

with giant boxes, our sphinxters grew tenser

The paper that’s extruded, (please trust this fact)

is a complete and absolute pain on the ass.

We’ve had to get tougher as the years go by

but this toilet paper, with its single thick, crispy ply,

is taking it a step too far.   If *Christie’s contract wasn’t enough,

You’re scraping us raw.  Yeah.  These days teaching is rough.

The government doesn’t seem to register

we don’t need to have stronger character!

.

true story  :-/

* Christie Clark is the current Premier of BC, and former Minister of Education.  Teachers dislike her for her destruction and defunding of education in BC.

 

poem- amazing? October 14, 2015

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 8:45 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

When you said my outfits are always amazing

did you mean they cause great surprise?

or that they leave you in wonder

or that you find them astonishing?

I’m not sure it’s good that you think I dress

in ways that are astonishing, astounding,

surprising, stunning, staggering, shocking,

startling, stupefying, breathtaking;

awesome, awe-inspiring, sensational,

remarkable, spectacular, stupendous,

phenomenal, extraordinary, incredible,

unbelievable; mind-blowing, jaw-dropping;

or wondrous.

Was your comment verbal irony?

or have I tipped the scales into weirdness?

I’m sure I’m not really so startlingly impressive.

But if you truly think so,

Thanks.

I guess.

.

.

.

Someone I admire made this comment at an event, and while I took it as a compliment, I pondered that one can disguise true opinion in the flexibilities of English!  What is irony but a twist of meaning?  With thanks to the Google dictionary for this one.

 

 
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