When Brianna asked why the Brits have such horrible toilet paper,
“Hearts of oak are our men,” Roger intoned, “stainless steel are their bums. It builds the national character.”
Diana Gabaldon in
Dragonfly in Amber
The government is loudly raving
school districts must search for savings!
As they replaced all our paper dispensers
with giant boxes, our sphinxters grew tenser
The paper that’s extruded, (please trust this fact)
is a complete and absolute pain on the ass.
We’ve had to get tougher as the years go by
but this toilet paper, with its single thick, crispy ply,
is taking it a step too far. If *Christie’s contract wasn’t enough,
You’re scraping us raw. Yeah. These days teaching is rough.
The government doesn’t seem to register
we don’t need to have stronger character!
.
true story 
* Christie Clark is the current Premier of BC, and former Minister of Education. Teachers dislike her for her destruction and defunding of education in BC.
Shawn L. Bird 
poem- amazing? October 14, 2015
Tags: amazing, comment, irony, observation, poem, poetry, sarcasm
When you said my outfits are always amazing
did you mean they cause great surprise?
or that they leave you in wonder
or that you find them astonishing?
I’m not sure it’s good that you think I dress
in ways that are astonishing, astounding,
surprising, stunning, staggering, shocking,
startling, stupefying, breathtaking;
awesome, awe-inspiring, sensational,
remarkable, spectacular, stupendous,
phenomenal, extraordinary, incredible,
unbelievable; mind-blowing, jaw-dropping;
or wondrous.
Was your comment verbal irony?
or have I tipped the scales into weirdness?
I’m sure I’m not really so startlingly impressive.
But if you truly think so,
Thanks.
I guess.
.
.
.
Someone I admire made this comment at an event, and while I took it as a compliment, I pondered that one can disguise true opinion in the flexibilities of English! What is irony but a twist of meaning? With thanks to the Google dictionary for this one.
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