Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

poem- savings November 18, 2015

When Brianna asked why the Brits have such horrible toilet paper,

“Hearts of oak are our men,” Roger intoned, “stainless steel are their bums. It builds the national character.”

Diana Gabaldon in
Dragonfly in Amber

The government is loudly raving

school districts must  search for savings!

As they replaced all our paper dispensers

with giant boxes, our sphinxters grew tenser

The paper that’s extruded, (please trust this fact)

is a complete and absolute pain on the ass.

We’ve had to get tougher as the years go by

but this toilet paper, with its single thick, crispy ply,

is taking it a step too far.   If *Christie’s contract wasn’t enough,

You’re scraping us raw.  Yeah.  These days teaching is rough.

The government doesn’t seem to register

we don’t need to have stronger character!


true story  :-/

* Christie Clark is the current Premier of BC, and former Minister of Education.  Teachers dislike her for her destruction and defunding of education in BC.


8 Responses to “poem- savings”

  1. howardat58 Says:

    Well, at least no-one’s going to be stealing it!

  2. 😂 Even us British have given up on the harsh loo roll!

    • lol
      Just before the quote above, this selection of Diana’s book discussed the stamp on the loo paper at the museum reading “Property of the British Government” (or whatever it says precisely “Government Issue” perhaps?) and when I read that I had a flashback to laughing at pull down sheets with blue inked stamps on them at the Victoria and Albert Museum in the 80s. I’m much relieved to hear that things have improved! 🙂

  3. Don’t be a scraper.
    Use your own, and ditch the sandpaper.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: