Once,
I’d count down days to him.
My pounding would steal my breath at
the thought of him.
I observe my obsession from a distance
laughing at my absurdity,
thankful to have exorcised such ghosts.
.
Now,
thinking I’m seeing her soon
illuminates my being
with not-so-secret joy.
I acknowledge my obsession
in a collectitivity of compatriots
thankful for opportunities
to rub against greatness.
You were
exorcized
letter by letter,
word by word,
phrase by phrase,
sentence by sentence,
paragraph by paragraph,
page by page,
chapter by chapter.
Now you are
merely a spectre
who peeks around corners
whispers at my ear
hums for my remembrance.
My only benediction
on the lost boy
from long ago
is the bittersweet smile
and the faraway glimmer
in my eyes.
If I loved you more
it would ooze out of my pores
explode from my brain,
sizzle on my skin.
If I loved you more
you would never leave my side
I would wrap around your limbs
palpate your heart in my hands.
I could not love you more
for I am sloshing with love,
full to bursting,
obsessed,
with you.
Shawn L. Bird 