I guess
I should remember
the curve of your cheek
the reach of your arms
the pitch of your voice.
I remember
the imprint of your fingers
against my thigh, rising scarlet.
I remember
the strident screech
that foretold your speeches
about the unfairness of life.
I remember
the flash of your eyes
the thud of the door
being poor.
I guess
I remember
you.
.
.
(FYI- written in persona)
In darkness
her wishes are simple:
No steps in the hall
no hovering hand
no panting breath
no pain.
In darkness
she wishes in vain.
You sit
silently
staring at your lap.
Your face
reflects sorrows
you will not describe.
Silence
is your
only safe
place.
You were so very small
pulling your limbs inside yourself
wearing a vacant scowl,
trying to turn yourself inside out
to avoid notice,
when we were all there
for you.
So much trauma to hide from.
so many layers of armour.
Will we ever see you drop the ballast
so you can fly?
.
.
Probably a few too many metaphors here, but the sentiments hold true. May have to work on this one a bit more.
When my dad went to school
he knew the Brother would beat him.
The ruler would rap down across
his small knuckles
once for every spelling mistake.
He knew he’d always make a mistake.
He knew he’d be beaten.
It didn’t make him study,
it just made him drag his feet
on the way to school,
meant education was painful
meant inadequacy
and brutality
were part of every day.
It didn’t make him speed up
that he’d be whipped
for tardiness
either.
During lessons,
he watched boys fly
across the room
propelled by the fury
of the Christian Brothers
who didn’t understand
much about children,
faith
kindness
or the golden rule.
Dad kept his head down,
nursed sore
knuckles and learned
how not to treat children.
.
.
Happy Birthday to my dad, who celebrates his 99th birthday today!
One more year until the official greeting from the Queen!
PS. Dad attended parochial school in Montreal in the 1920s.
It gets better.
Whatever pressure
is crushing you,
whatever frustrations
are tearing you apart,
will end.
Permanent solutions
to temporary problems
are a waste
of who you could be.
Don’t take drastic actions
when patience could prevail
and provide purpose
for the brilliant future
you deserve.
Whatever burdens you,
buries you,
bullies you,
will end.
Call for help
It’s here.
Hold hope in your hands.
Give your future a chance.
Trust time to release you
from pain,
not death.
.
.
In an exercise of hope, I wrote this in present tense, though it is a letter to a brilliant young man who once sat in my class room, and sadly did not trust time: so much potential, crushed by despair, frustration and anger. I am mourning the loss of his shadowed light in our world. It only needed time for it to shine brilliantly, but he did not wait to see.
One’s valour is in proportion to one’s fear. The man who is always entirely unafraid can never be brave. He has nothing to be brave about. One can only show real courage if one is afraid. The coward, therefore, being afraid of nearly everything, is alone capable of the highest courage .
Barbara Leonie Picard One is One, p. 134
I know a man with several brothers and sisters. He remembers being terrified as a child. He was traumatized by spankings. He remembers a lot of abuse. He is certain that he was the most beaten of all. His siblings think he was just overly melodramatic, and that he got out of real spankings because of his hysteria.
It’s interesting, because even if it’s true that he wasn’t hit as frequently or as hard as the others were, what beatings he did receive traumatized him when the allegedly more severe spankings of his siblings didn’t bother them at all.
He was more courageous because he dealt with something that was more terrifying to him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NaNoWriMo day 14: 1710 words (Total for November: 23,291)
In my capacity as a high school teacher, I often watch kids sorting out their first serious relationships. Sometimes what I hear alarms me, so I will do a class discussion on love. My main question is, “What does love LOOK like?” because girls will say, “but he LOVES me!” while they are listening to abusive language and experiencing controlling and abusive behavior. It seems that they think the behaviors are acceptable if someone professes that he loves them. My goal is to get them to embrace a new concept: love is shown by an action that is kind, gentle and supportive. The words are meaningless without the appropriate actions.
Once a girl looked at me as if I had three heads while she announced, “Love isn’t an action, it’s a feeling!!!” She would not, or could not, get her head around the idea that love reveals itself through behavior. Saying you love someone isn’t an excuse for a jealous tantrum, controlling them, or beating them, either with words or fists.
Ali McGraw was just interviewed by Oprah and they discussed the infamous line from Love Story, “Love is never having to say you’re sorry.” Ali says it makes no sense. Of course not! It never did! Love means saying sorry and more, it means SHOWING you’re sorry, by eliminating that behavior from your life.
I remember those adorable “Love is…” cartoons in the 70s. Kim Casali debuted the strip when she was a newlywed. One of the most famous ones was, “Love is… saying you’re sorry.” The strip is still running, although both Kim and her love are written now by their son. Check out today’s.
I’m thinking that in my life,
“Love is…working toward a common goal.”
“Love is…walking hand in hand.”
“Love is…doing the laundry.”
“Love is… going out in the dead of night to buy your love cough medicine.”
“Love is… sitting in a car for 9 hours just to make sure he doesn’t fall asleep driving home.”
.
So what do YOU think LOVE IS… ?
Shawn L. Bird 
question- what is molestation? May 21, 2015
Tags: 19Kids, abuse, assault, counsel, criminality, curiosity, education, hormones, Josh Duggar, media, molestation, puberty, sex, sexuality, teen, youth
I just heard about celebrity big brother from 19 Kids and Counting Josh Duggar’s confession that when he was a young teen, he behaved inappropriately with younger females, that he underwent counselling, and while he’s sorry about it, he’s received his forgiveness and moved on.
The internet seems full of those who label him a molester and think he should have been sent to jail. I am somewhat confused by this response, because to my mind, a young teen, awash in hormones he doesn’t know how to deal with, is a boy in need of good counsel, frank conversation, and restorative justice, not a boy who needs to be tossed into jail.
I don’t know the details of Josh’s case, but then neither do those commenting all over the internet, so let’s keep this theoretical:
Facts: Young teen brains are not developed, therefore, impulse control is undeveloped. Pubescent hormones impact judgment.
I have to say that I think this kind of scenario speaks more loudly for the needs of young people to have thorough sex education- including not just the biology of their changing bodies but frank discussion regarding sexual autonomy and gratification. Those of us who remember the wildly fluctuating passions of our first crushes need to remember that this is all extremely complex and confusing for 13 and 14 year old kids. Media is assaulting them with messages about what sexuality means, their families and faith communities may have contradictory views. How much did you discuss this stuff with your parents? How much do you discuss with your kids? I think our kids from toddlerhood need to know what is okay touching. They need to know that they have autonomy over their bodies and that they should keep their hands off other people’s bodies. But if they don’t, what should happen?
So here’s my question, with respect to pubescent youth– What is assault? What is abuse? What is mutual curiosity? What is counselor worthy and what is criminal? Are there age lines? Intent lines? Subjugation lines? What do you think is appropriate? How would you want your son dealt with if he confessed to touching younger girls?
What is criminal responsibility for kids?
In the interest of disclosure, I am married to a youth probation officer who deals with this every day. There definitely can be psychopathic rapists at 14, but they are a rare commodity. Let’s concentrate on average kids.
Share this:
Like this: