In Becca Fitzpatrick’s Hush, Hush, protagonist Nora has the following conversation with her widowed mother:
“How did you know you were in love with Dad?” I asked, striving to sound casual. There was always the chance that discussing Dad would bring on a tearfest , something I hoped to avoid.
Mom settled into the sofa and propped her feet up on the coffee table. “I didn’t. Not until we’d been married about a year.”
It wasn’t the answer I expected. “Then…why did you marry him?”
“Because I thought I was in love. And when you think you’re in love, you’re willing to stick it out and make it work until it is love.” (p. 188)
I like the sentiment expressed here. Attraction may be there in the beginning of a relationship, or it may grow on you, as you learn to appreciate the source of your affection. Sometimes you need to be persuaded of them. Sometimes they’re apparent to you immediately. Sometimes the reasons you are initially attracted change with time, and you grow to love and appreciate completely different facets of your beloved’s character.
The key, of course, is focusing on the positive. If in that first year, all you notice are the irritations, you’re going to be driven apart, rather than blossoming together in love. A mutual commitment to the relationship is necessary, as well as a desire to develop a strong and loving relationship. You have to make that choice, and do things to improve the relationship and the commitment.
Love may be powerful and visceral at times, but it is an emotion, and it is therefore volatile. Sometimes you will be angry, and anger may completely overwhelm any feelings of love that you have. Some days you will be frustrated, and frustration may completely destroy the respect and affection you feel for your partner. What do you do then? That’s when commitment comes in. When you’re committed to the relationship, anger, frustration and other irritations lose power. Commitment is the key to making a relationship grow, blossom, and allow it to seed joy, family, and support into your future.
When you give up love dies. When you’re each committed to being the best for each other, your love is strong enough to transcend time.
Just ask Ben and Grace about that.
Shawn L. Bird 
latest press September 21, 2011
Tags: awakening dreams, first love, Grace Awakening, Observer, poem, Salmon Arm, Shawn Bird, writing
I was recently interviewed for the local paper. I ended up being interviewed by phone, and the interviewer did not have opportunity prep by visiting the blog and reading up on what the book was about. I tried to explain succinctly, but her questions led to complicated places. Had I been writing the responses for her, I could have been quite clear on the facts. As it was, paraphrases were just off enough to twist the meaning. The resulting interview was basically accurate, but had a section that was significantly off what I thought I’d told her.
I learned something from this experience. The journalist will miss something critical in your longish story! Typing and listening simultaneously is difficult. I must remember the Keep It Simple principle!
Aside from actually getting my website address incorrect, the biggest problem was that she missed that I was actually quoting from the poem for a bit there, and she wrote a quote as if I was speaking.
Specifically, the article says,
Based on a poem she wrote the year she turned 12, Bird says the book started as a story about the power of her first crush on a musician
That part is fine but then this
“I think in another life we were lovers and belonged together,” she says.
is a paraphrase of the quote from the poem that I recited for her which included, “I think we were loves once. In another life you and and I belonged.” Since it is not in the context of the poem, it gets a completely different slant.
“When you have one of these strong stories, you have to imagine it has been around in the universe before.”
must be a paraphrase of “I think a lot of people have the feeling when they fall in love that it’s so profound that it must have been in the universe forever.”
Regular readers of the blog who’ve read about the development of the story, the poetry, etc, will spot these issues right away. Other people will just raise their eyebrows. I was rather alarmed.
Yeah. Like I said. A learning experience. Keep it Simple. Simple. Simple. Phone interviews are apparently dangerous!
Live and learn.
PS. If you’re curious, the interview is here.
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