a gleam in the distance
a vice on the temples
a tempest in the stomach
an echoing in the ears
an agony in the light
an explosion in my head
paralysis
© Shawn Bird 2010
Migraine June 20, 2010
June 19, 2010
It’s odd how you can leave a friend for nine years, then feel surprised when he turns up looking a decade older. In fact, you feel betrayed, as if he’s aged you along with him, and personally dragged you a decade closer to the grave. (Ian Weir. Daniel O’Thunder. p. 61)
I chuckled when I read this paragraph.
I suppose it shouldn’t surprise us that our friends and family members are aging as the years go by. It’s always a surprise when some young relative appears to have shot up several inches in height, dropped a voice an octave, or turned from girl to woman. We ponder that we ourselves haven’t changed at all, and yet those kids prove just how much time is going by.
Gathering with old friends also reminds us how time doesn’t matter. We may not have seen each other in a decade, but the relationships are easy and natural. Shared history makes an easy link and conversations are picked up as if they were left yesterday.
Time marches on, but what are we doing with the time? Are we marching closer to the grave without anything to show for our time here, or are we making the most of the years, leaving a legacy for those who follow?
reality and fiction June 18, 2010
…the difference between fiction based on reality and fantasy is simply a matter of range. The former is a handgun. It hits the target almost close enough to touch, and even the willfully ignorant can’t deny that it’s effective. Fantasy is a sixteen-inch naval rifle. It fires with a tremendous bang, and it appears to have done nothing and to be shooting a nothing.
Note the qualifier “appears.” The real difference is that with fantasy—and by that I mean fantasy which can simultaneously tap into a cosmopolitan commonality at the same time as it springs from an individual and unique perspective. In this sort of fantasy, a mythic resonance lingers on—a harmonious vibration that builds in potency the longer one considers it, rather than fading away when the final page is read and the book is put away. Characters discovered in such writing are pulled from our own inner landscapes…and then set out upon the stories’ various stages so that as we learn to understand them a little better, both the monsters and the angels, we come to understand ourselves a little better as well. (Charles de Lint. Memory and Dreams. p. 323)
I wish de Lint’s words were my own, because they’re so profound. Consider: “harmonious vibration that builds in potency.” Oh how I hope that Grace Awakening offers the reader such a lingering mythic resonancy! How I hope that as they grow to understand my characters, they understand themselves better, just as I have grown from the process.
When someone asks why on Earth I chose to write a novel with a fantasy twist, I want to be answer as eloquently as this! I am reminded of Bella’s comment in New Moon, “Could a world really exist where ancient legends went wandering around the borders of tiny, insignificant towns, facing down mythical monsters? Did this mean every impossible fairy tale was grounded somewhere in absolute ghost truth? Was there anything sane or normal at all, or was everything just magic and stories?” (p. 293) When it became clear that the story I had to tell required me to embrace myth, it was an epiphany. Once the mythology began to weave between the lines, my words flew beyond me. They started unfurling so much more than the germ I’d started with. Mythology reveals great truth, and I learned a lot from Grace and Ben, Jim and Bright, and the others in their world. I suspect there is much more to learn.
I’m really looking forward to hearing what sorts of things the rest of you learn from Grace et al. If you’ve read Grace Awakening, I’d love to hear what harmonious vibration is resonating with you.
Love is a comfortable coat June 16, 2010
I want to wrap you around me like a coat.
I want to pull up the hood and huddle closer
to keep out cold realities.
I want to button in the warm assurance
of your body tight against me.
I want to cuddle into the closeness
of your heart next to mine,
and the comfort and contentedness
of being wrapped in your love.
I will never be… June 14, 2010
…we are never the people we think we are. We are the ones we pretend, with all our hearts, we can’t become. (Jodie Picoult, The Tenth Circle. p. 171)
How many times have we said it? “I will never be like my mother!” As teens we plan to completely re-write our history and do things entirely differently, and yet, faced with unruly children, we find our mother’s words coming out of our mouths and see our mother’s actions in our own.
If this is true for us, then our mothers echoed their mothers back through time. My motherhood style may have originated with my great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother. It is a much bigger task to pull away from generations of history. It’s nature versus nurture. Generations of genetic history are revealed every time we remind a kid to clean his room or to feed the dog.
But there is nurture to contend with as well. We can reprogram a lot of our essential nature with parenting classes or a well-rounded education, but left to ourselves we can never get very far from the words our mothers uttered from the moment we were born, just like they didn’t get away from their mothers’ words .
It’s a little daunting, isn’t it? It helps to remember amid the overwhelming realities of life: your mother loves you. Even though you’re as screwed up as she is.
engineering artistry June 13, 2010
There’s an artist and an engineer on your team. They have different skills and you need to use both of them! (Sylvia Taylor)
Sylvia Taylor presented a very practical workshop on editing at the Shuswap Lake International Writers’ Festival, and this quote is from that workshop. Our very exacting and critical left brain and our very creative right brain can either work against one another or with each other. This lesson is a very practical one for writers.
In this case, there is an “I” in team, since both members of the team are in our own head. When they’re fighting for our attention, nothing productive happens. While our right brain is happily thinking up new plots and dialogue, our left brain is telling us our ideas are stupid and forcing us to second guess every line. Sylvia recommended harnessing the ‘engineer’ of the right brain by doing timed writes. The engineer is busy keeping tabs on the time, while the artist of the right brain is free to write without disturbance.
Another fabulous way to harness the critical left brain is during the editing process. If we tell the left brain that it will get its chance afterwards, the right brain can create the story, article or poem, but then we can turn the piece over to the left brain to turn the art into craft: honing in on problems, pruning, improving and generally simply making the right brain’s effort stronger. Editing is as important as the inventing, and often takes far more time. Take advantage of your left brain’s skill in this area.
Writing is a team effort, it requires both our inner engineer and our inner artist. We need to take full advantage of our whole brain to be stronger writers. Thanks for the inspiring lesson, Sylvia.
Messages (#1) June 12, 2010
“It’s the person, Ma, not the place. If you left here, you’d have been the same anywhere else.” It is truth enough, but I can’t stop now. “If I ever leave this place”–I swallow–“I’ll make sure I’m better here first.” (Markus Zusak. I Am the Messenger. p. 283.)
The narrator of I Am the Messenger has a mother who is unhappy with her life because she married and stayed in the small town where she’d grown up. She wants a bigger life. Her son hits upon a significant truth when he gives her this message. He is addressing the idea that, “Wherever you go, there you are.” What a profound truth that is.
You need to be the best you on the planet, because you are the only you on the planet! If you find that everywhere you go, trouble follows, you need to think about the leader. If you consistently end up hanging out with jerks, why do you keep finding them? If your boyfriends are always nasty, why are you constantly dating nasty guys?
In Grace Awakening, Grace is told, “You are the common denominator in all your life experiences.” Think about that. You are the one single consistent factor in your life. You can’t blame anyone else for your problems, because your response to the events around you is what is important. Action is power. You are the only one who can change your life.
Markus Zusak, whose The Book Thief has become a huge international success, has crafted a completely different book in I Am the Messenger. This much lighter novel is about helping those who need some small intervention for their lives to be improved.
Each of us has a responsibility to make a difference. We don’t have to help everyone on the planet, but we can help someone. We can visit a shut in, write a note to someone who needs some encouragement, drop off groceries to those in need, cover tuition for someone who otherwise could not better her life through education. We can share a smile and a positive attitude.
It’s Me to We in action. What will you do today to care for those in need?
Destiny June 11, 2010
prowling around
circling the ground,
Growling.
Pondering
crushing me
crunching me
cracking me
devouring me.
Destiny
The readers’ bargain June 10, 2010
Fine: if you’re still reading, then I’ll trust we have a bargain. You will not judge—and I will tell the truth. Or at least you will withhold your judgement as far as seems humanly possibly—which is seldom very far—and I will tell as much truth as can reasonably be expected from a man—which is seldom as much as one might hope—and between us we’ll do the best we can. (Ian Weir in Daniel O’Thunder p. 8.)
It is an interesting bargain that is struck between writer and reader. The reader agrees to suspend belief, so long as the writer crafts a believable world. The art is taking the reader on a journey of the imagination that stretches so tightly it almost snaps. When the leap is too great, the reader puts down the book in disgust and may not return to it.
Ian Weir’s Daniel O’Thunder is a lovely book. I don’t want to mislead you into thinking it is full of sweetness and light, because it is a dark book full of poverty, murder, shame and the blackness of evil, but it is beautifully crafted. There is poetry in every line. Weir took me on a journey and surprised me. His narrator, who breaks the literary equivalent of the ‘4th wall’ to address us throughout the novel, is quite an enigma. Unreliable narrators are so much more painfully realistic than reliable ones!
Weir’s narrator takes us on a journey, that amid the surprises (and a token ending in BC that seemed all about qualifying for grants or awards!) leads to contemplation of evil and spirituality. He may break the contract (see what you think!) but he’s too interesting for you to be concerned.
What literary journeys have you had to abandon? What writer broke the contract and made you so irritated that you couldn’t go on?
Shawn L. Bird 
why are those tampon ads so ridiculous? June 15, 2010
Tags: Diva cup, Lunette cup, menstrual cup, menstruation, tampon ads
Question: why are the new anti-tampon ads so ridiculous?
Answer: because they’re selling tampons.
Oh, I suppose it’s cute, clever and hip to be all ‘anti-establishment’ by mocking tampon ads, but to mock them in order to hock tampons? Come on. Are people really that stupid?
Here’s what the anti-tampon ads should be pushing:
In short, they should be promoting the menstrual cup.
The menstrual cup has been around for decades. (My Finnish host mom introduced me to them back in 1983). They’re small silicone (or rubber) cones that hold just over 15 mls (1 tbsp) of menstrual fluid (most menstrual periods flush 30-40 mls total through the whole week). You can easily monitor your own cycle and fluid volume to see if there are days in your cycle that you may need to empty more often.
The cup is folded, pushed in and then held in place by muscle tissue. Because fluids don’t exit the body, there is no smell. You remove the cup, dumping the fluid into the toilet, then clean the cup and pop it back in. At the end of the cycle, you boil the cup for 5 mins to sterilize it, and pop it into its cotton bag to wait for the next cycle.
The cup is good for at least a year, so the $30-40 tab is divided into 12 months- I’ll bet you spend more than $2.50-3.00 a month on the products you’re using now, unless you’re making and washing your own muslin pads! I’d still recommend panty-liners, but say good-bye to mini-pads, maxi-pads, long pads for night use, pads with wings, and your light, regular and super tampons! You’ll save a fortune! One cup and 7 liners will get you through the cycle with ease.
Stop falling for the ridiculous ads. Head to your health store or pharmacy and ask for a menstrual cup. You’ll be glad you did!
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Here’s a nice comparison blog of various brands of menstrual cups with photos. Personally I’m using a Diva cup, but think I’ll try the Lunette next year when it’s time to get another one. The Lunette gets good reviews, and is probably the brand I first used in Finland all those years ago.
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