I see. We mess with the syllable count in English, but three lines is the max. Your problem is easily solved by melding lines 3 and 4: “on the pristine snow.” Using preposition ‘on’ implies it’s on the surface, so you don’t need to say that. Your image remains just as powerful. The specificity of the ‘three drops of blood’ is chilling. It’s an excellent effort!
Indeed.
This was from watching from my porch swing as this huge deciduous tree down the way was rippling in this crazy wind storm. It was sparkling and rippling like the lake sparkles and ripples. And so! A poem! Tree as water.
Shawn Bird is an author, poet, and educator in the beautiful Shuswap region of British Columbia, Canada. She is a proud member of Rotary and a former Rotary Youth Exchange Student.
RT @jdubqca: let me see
let me gather my thoughts
like I gather flowers in the garden
one precise cut at a time 1 hour ago
RT @matpVI: Henry 'We are seeing 100% household transmission'
So why are school exposure notices still saying household members with no sy… 1 day ago
5:30 p.m. Friday. Just home.
So. Tired.
Too tired to cook, so I'm climbing into bed, and perhaps I will wake up i… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…1 day ago
Lovely. I tried Haiku once, but I didn’t get the structure quite right. https://pacificmelody.wordpress.com/2013/11/08/evidence/
I see. We mess with the syllable count in English, but three lines is the max. Your problem is easily solved by melding lines 3 and 4: “on the pristine snow.” Using preposition ‘on’ implies it’s on the surface, so you don’t need to say that. Your image remains just as powerful. The specificity of the ‘three drops of blood’ is chilling. It’s an excellent effort!
How delightful would it be, if the ocean were to cast pearls, and other gems, upon the beach!
Indeed.
This was from watching from my porch swing as this huge deciduous tree down the way was rippling in this crazy wind storm. It was sparkling and rippling like the lake sparkles and ripples. And so! A poem! Tree as water.
Amazing Shawn!
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it.
THat IS some storm!! citrine…love it!!
Little bit of yellow/green flashing in the light. 🙂
I love how poets have each a special style to their haiku and tanka…btw, I posted one last week inspired by a haiku from your book https://cheryllynnroberts.wordpress.com/2015/08/28/my-river-haiga/
I am so incredibly honoured. Thank you Cheryl-Lynn.