Oh, belligerent woman
at the gas station.
You know you are wrong.
You see the arrows.
Instead of backing up
You drive forward,
and make obnoxious remarks.
The other ten of us
can follow directions.
One of these things is not
like the others.
You’re embarrassed.
I get that.
So apologize, and back up.
Don’t yell at me.
I’m going the right way.
I am an author, though.
So while you rant,
I have the satisfaction
of seeing the bomb
the terrorists have set
that you accidentally trigger
by going the wrong way.
As your car explodes in a fiery
conflagration,
the ten cars that are secure
in our rule following
are protected by our bubble of sanctity.
We smile contentedly
knowing karma is at work,
as the litter of your dissatisfied life
rains from the sky,
bouncing off of us and
our aligned automobiles.
As you back out,
muttering a chastened,
“Sorry,”
I am glad that imagination
trumps aggravation
every time.
.
.
It’s a popular saying, “Don’t mess with authors. They will put you in their novels, and kill you.” Today, I discovered the poetic equivalent. 😉
Shawn L. Bird 
This is awesome!
lol
Shawn, you have just made a day of petty irritations evaporate like soapy, greasy little karmic bubbles. Thank you.
My pleasure. 😉
imagining it, writing it is safer, more legal, BUT … 🙂
Pfft. Who needs reality. Imagination is much more satisfying. 😉
hmmm, that could be your next poem, it could be universally appealing since both men and women seem to say that. LOL Enjoy your creativity Shawn
http://purplesplatitudes.wordpress.com/2014/03/04/smile-you-know-m-right/#comment-3632 thanks for the inspiration
Oh the power of imagination!
The bigger the imagination, and more entertainment!
Wonderful, laughing here. I’m sure she wasn’t even harmed by her car exploding. I’m sure she learned her lesson. I love the quote at the end.
😉
she must have been one of her “moods” 🙂
I think so.
Damn Shawn!! Did you just go Madea on her a$$!! LOL!! Shoot girl. Tyler Perry/Madea has nothing on you!! You good though. Imagination is a safety valve. Has kept me from snatching folks up and slapping them silly just to see if some sense gets knocked into their thick heads. ROTFL!!
I don’t know who Madea is, but safety valves are wonderful.
Madea ~ http://youtu.be/Q2XVuxO13Ck
This is a better one. Somebody makes the mistake of stealing her parking spot. http://youtu.be/8OXfGR4dgiY
Oh dear.
Imagination of child is a golden rule!
Yup. It helps a lot! 🙂
Fantastic! What a wonderful way to release some aggravation–art!
Indeed. Laughter for the masses from the roots of aggression.
Wow, just wow! That was a very captivating moment that just kept getting deeper. You are truly blessed… I applaude you.
lol
Will read more of your stuff more often
Glad to have you.
[…] poem-exploding you. […]
Wow, Shawn!
😉
She must be related to Belligerent Woman in the Carpool Line at School. I must remember this; imagining her blowing up should help my blood pressure. (Nicely done, by the way!)
I suspect so. 😉 Hope this helps in the bp regulation.
Would it not be cool if our aggravation-induced imagination was able to scare the aggravator? A highly useful superpower to have. Btw, this is one of my favourite poems of yours, love “litter of your dissatisfied life rains from the sky”.
I suspect that my eyes reflect when my head is forming such images, because I have had class rooms grow suddenly silent and all eyes drop to their desk, focused on whatever task was previously being ignored… Not that I commonly visualize exploding class rooms. ((cough))
Haha I suppose not, or going by your eyes, you would have students/people looking at the ground while talking to you.
I just yell ‘karate’ and bifurcate their exhaust pipes.
lol
Love your poem above and blog about seeing your friends after 20 years. I will be back to read more when time permits. Thanks for visiting my blog. Blessings.
Thank you, and it’s my pleasure.
This is great stuff, Shawn. Thanks so much for sharing.
My pleasure.
That made me chuckle. 🙂
Me, too. It’s a survival mechanism.
The woman reminds me of someone I know who shall remain unnamed, ahem. Thanks for stopping by Whole in the Head and liking my poem. I look forward to reading more of yours. Happy Poetry Month!
Thanks for popping by Rasma!
Masterful! So glad you wrote this one!
Thanks
Love it! I’ve invoked the writer love power before 🙂
Very powerful we are. We must be careful not to do too much damage… 😉
Had a realization in traffic once. I was impatient and irritated. Thought, If I were filthy rich, I would have endless patience, knowing these poor blighters all around me had to stampede like hungry bison for the grass on this new meadow. Then it occurred to me I did not need to be rich to have the attitude. I immediately assumed the patience and it has lasted until this day.
I suppose she could have used your zen approach! It takes a lot to fluster me; after teaching high school for 20 years, I’m pretty unflappable. 😉
Hi Shawn!
Wicked verse! I nearly got into an accident while trying to enter my grocery store’s parking lot and was glared and yelled at by a guy in a truck even though I had right of way. Some people are just animals I guess. But in this poem you have a lot of fun as you administer karmic justice!
Thank you for reading my poems! I’m so glad you enjoyed them! I write a lot on my blog but it’s hard to get a following. I’m grateful you took the time to check me out and found something nice in my work.
Cheers!
G J Donnelly
lol I know what you mean!
My pleasure. Thanks for coming by here! 🙂
Oh! I like this one…a lot! Thanks for the new weapon in my anti-everyone-else arsenal! Now I won’t have to wear out a certain finger that seems to get a lot of use these days! Hilarious but tightly-crafted poem, Shawn!
Ron
lol Thanks
Love it! Love it! Love it!
Thanks. 😉
Great imagination!
It’s very useful, too!
Love this poem. Now following!
Welcome! I hope you enjoy what you find here.
So agree! Who hasn’t written a boyfriend off a cliff; if he’d only bought the shoes that cost R50 more. Cheap! The list is endless and a wonderful tool to fuel the imagination, yet keep you from handcuffs! 😀 Enjoyed it, liked the twist!
lol
OMG! You are one scary man…but that was hilarious. I wonder if the woman in question ever read it what would her reaction be 😛
Man? lol Oh dear.
I *hope* she would laugh.
Oopsie! I was replying via my mobile app and didn’t see your pic. 😀
lol Whew!
I like a woman when she is wrong
It means, I can forgive her
May be then she will love me
And lean on me in a way, so that
I can guide her to the right way
Though I know a woman righted
Has never looked back at me again
But this is the only sure way I can
Erase from memory …
… someone for whom I long
I like a woman when she is wrong
lol
Conversely, I always say the most magical words to hear from my husband are, “You were right.” 😉
Reblogged this on MARSocial Author Business Enhancement Humor Post.
Thanks for visiting my blog…I liked this poem, exploding you, very much…Gives us writers so much more power…
lol.
Indeed.
Don’t mess with my imagination! 😉
Yep, you’re the bomb!
lol
“I am glad that imagination
trumps aggravation
every time.”
Perfect! “Imagination is our greatest weapon in the way against reality.”
I love that you managed to turn an event like this into a poem about doing exactly that!
Thanks Galen.
I like it! Makes me smile. 🙂
😉
Hey Shawn,
That’s a riot. I loeuvre it!
Thanks again for visiting my blog. You’re soo gooood.
G J
Thanks GJ. I appreciate your stopping in!
What fun. Well done!
Thank you.
I read this several days ago and this poem is still making me laugh. I will smile next time I get fuel because of you.
lol. I”m glad!
I liked the image of a tire or burning debris bouncing off the other cars around her. Anger and rudeness certainly is not a solo trip.
😉
She had you peeved for a moment, then you owned her for a lifetime through this poem. How can you not win with keyboard and a screen and a mind that turns every loss to a win. Thanks for the like.
lol 😉 Creativity is a blessing.
Thanks for stopping by.
I like your mix of the concrete and abstract, Shawn, esp as you segue into the “I am an author though”. =)
Thanks
And a vindictive imagination it is at that. LOL. I like it.
Well, it definitely owes a little something to Hollywood spy movies… 😉
awesome. nice to see the beat carrying the torch…the words for a 21st century stream, righteous
Feeling groovy about it all…
This is the greatest poem! I had a similar thought at a gas station the other day. Also, your hair is freaking awesome.
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.
“Don’t mess with authors. They will put you in their novels, and kill you.”
Great lines. Enjoyed the most when I read this last line.
😉
I’m glad I’m not the only one who vents poetic wrath at the traffic. Loved it, made me smile
I’m glad to share a smile.
There are a few times I have been in this type of situation…lol…I had an old man yelling swear words and giving me the bird, this winter because my car quit at a pump and it wouldn’t start. The look on his face when I gave him the bird back was priceless…. I didn’t think of writing a rant about him though…lol..now I just might…thanks for the giggle
My pleasure.
Hi Shawn, this is so much fun! And thanks for following Gert Loveday -Fun With Books which we hope will give you just as much fun.
Thanks! I’m looking forward to it!
Oh dear, next time I accidentally go in the out or out the in, I will think of all the authors who are going the right way and are ready to explode me in immortal prose, or worse, in verse! I got stuck in the out lane of a parking structure in the UK (I live in the US) because I didn’t understand the system and thought you paid at the gate on the way out. I had people in line behind me honking their horns and could go neither back nor forwards. I eventually found away around, covered in shame and shaking in fright. One day I will think of a funny way to express that in verse, but not yet, I’m still shaking.
Great poem!
lol.
Oh dear!
Thanks for reading my poetry yours is cool
Thank you, Timothy.
Shawnbird. I agree with you that writer, blogger, author are with roving eyes and mind looking for what to devour and transplant into pages. Thank you for following and the ‘like’
My pleasure.
Ha ha, I love it. I have twilight zone story of my own in my head. Saving it for Quentin Tarantino movie. I suppose I should write it & send it to him somehow someway.
Doesn’t QT write his own stuff? Why not write it for yourself?
He does normally but this is one I’d like him to turn into a movie short & only be anonymously involved, like cash the check (lol). My story is so unique I would be sued for liable. Or something like that.
It’s not libel if it’s the truth, or if it’s your perspective, or if you fictionalize it by changing names. Unique is good.
Since it not too likely that I will run into QT over be having a Starbuck’s break with him I probably should work on that. Do you ever get several stories in your head at once?
I am working on 4 novels at the moment, and have 2 outlines sitting, and 2 novel ideas brewing. Does that answer the question? 😉
Yes. How do you stay focused? My brain jumps around like a hyperactive 2 yr old
Work on whatever is at the front of the brain. When that isn’t moving, switch to something else. Keep it going. Write something every day. Write several things every day.
I’ll work on it most the time to come to me in text messages that I send to my cousin
I hope Cuz is saving them! 🙂
No… we text so much that thwy get wiped out… they still in my head…not as good as my first fantasy telling but still there I think. I have a wild imagination. I wish I could type as fast as I think
Typing fast is very useful, that’s true. 😉
Good luck with your assorted projects!
Yes, sadly I don’t type any faster than I did when I started at 7. Lol!
Sometimes the crowd each other My thoughts that is. Yesterday I was inspired to write why we have poverty & homelessness. I got out 2 paragraphs when a poem took over as I noticed the roses had shriveled & died. Then another & 4 other things since. Still can’t get those thoughts back on that subject. Maybe when I’m tied up doing something else. But you are right I need to work more on writing where my ideas won’t be deleted or lost in a saw of messages. Thank you. My eyes getting heavy. Good night! Thank you for the likes!
Great way to get your anger out! Good one! Take care. Sincerely, Connie Webb
lol
I love this! And am SO going to employ this technique the next time I unfortunately have the opportunity……………maybe that lady in line at the grocery store…..or the guy who calls me “dear” at work……or the smug public utilities clerk……the possibilities are endless!
lol They are!
awesome
poemictic.wordpress.com
lol Thanks
Absolutely loved this-the sheer humour of the poem quickly overwhelmed any “fright” one may have felt before reaching the end- nobody messes with the limitless imagination of poets 😉
lol PRECISELY! 😉