Tonight amid the Christmas decorations
grief is hanging on our tree;
loss pummels
hopefulness.
Sadness hollows out my chest,
crushes my shoulders,
lodges in my throat.
Longing overwhelms.
There is no comfort
here, only more memories
of what is gone
who is gone
when is gone
where is gone.
Tonight is too much to bear,
so I’ll climb into bed and
trust tomorrow brings
solace and that much lauded
peace of the season.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I am not enough
to fill the void.
A yawning maw,
a gaping hole,
inadequacy piled upon inadequacy
overwhelms
and I
do not have the mass
to shore up against this tide
of weakness compounded
year after year until they got here.
I am battered.
I am broken.
I am not enough.
Small voice calling;
creatures crawling.
Hopes are falling.
She’s left bawling,
Must stop lolling
and start hauling.
The university library stacks are wall to wall
floor to ceiling
so much knowledge between the covers
so much learning hard won
no time
to ever try to read it all.
Shawn L. Bird 