While I was attending a conference Saturday, some total jerk keyed Sheila the Bug in TWO places!!! So Sheila (cough) invoked a curse on the perpetrator…
.
Curse on you, jerk!
.
What kind of jerk must you be
to key a car as cute as me?
My adorableness is super-powered
by butterflies and cute pink flowers
Big tough guys have been known to say
“That’s one happy car!” to me on days
when they needed to receive a smile.
Just my presence made them grin a while
But you, you jerk, slice across my paint
and gouge me with your anger taint?
You creep, what did I ever do
to deserve such cutting through?
My words are mild: you jerk, you creep
but know retribution may be deep.
When you attempt to dream,
Angry Bugs will make you scream
as they scrape off your skin
to upholster seats with your leather trim
While you are trying to sleep
You’ll hear Bug horns beep, beep,beep
Then VW exhaust fumes will creep
into your room and poison you
they’ll turn you purple and then blue.
When you are driving on the highway
passing lanes will never go your way.
You’ll constantly be stopped by construction
and innumerable other annoying obstructions.
May you be stuck in traffic jams.
May you fail your driving exams.
May your airbag deploy when you stop at a light.
May your paint job turn that weird foggy white.
For keying cars, you total jerk
I set forever this Auto Curse!
Shawn L. Bird 