Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Poem- Dear Sam Heughan July 31, 2013

As previously posted, Sam Heughan has been cast to play the character of Jamie Fraser in Ron Moore’s TV series Outlander based on the book series by Diana Gabaldon.  Here is a bit of friendly advice for him.

.

Dear Sam

I am

afraid that the Jamie-philes

will compile more

scary photo-shopped dreams.

It seems that in face of

the depraved 

you are as brave

as your homeland.

So lad,

be glad

of this career boost

But go canny, aye?

They’ll grab that manly thigh

and try to catch your eye,

tear kilt askew

aim for the dagger hilt of you,

and hurdle for the spurtle, too!

Are you up for the ride?

For jokes aside,

Jamie is seriously adored,

these books explored

they touch a chord

with inflamed hordes of fans.

They’ll give you fame

but give them James

Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser

Give them frenzied pleasure.

Be the man the fans adore

and they’ll be yours forever more,

those fanatical fannying fans galore.

Thanks Sam.

.

Sincerely,

Fan.

.

A little advice for actor Sam Heughan as the devoted fans of Outlander take over his life (and his Twitter feed)

.

August 1. 2013 Note:

This poem was the subject of much hilarity and edification on the Twitter feed when it was posted at about 2 a.m. July 31st.  The line following, “Go canny, aye” was originally about a fan reaching for ‘fanny and thigh.’  Diana Gabaldon tweeted almost immediately to let me know that fanny didn’t mean the same thing in UK as it does in North America, specifically that ‘men don’t have one.’ Then the Scots started posting about their amusement of American usage of the term i.e. falling on your fanny is difficult.  I was sent photos of the beverage called Fanny, which confused me a great deal, because if fanny means vagina, why would you name a carbonated beverage that? (answer: “Scots humour”).  Diana also added that there is the term “fannying around” and that was explained to me by various eager tutors as meaning being silly or goofing off (rather than whoring, which might be the more logical assumption).  So obviously I had to alter a few lines of the poem.  Forgetting that the key was rhyming ‘canny, aye?’ (likely due to the posting of Diana’s infamous Jamie butt pumpkin that evening as well) most tried to think of euphemisms for bum.  This was not helpful at all, but was highly entertaining.  With a few keystrokes, the fanny and thighs became ‘manly thighs’ and the ‘fannying fans’ were added to reflect my new knowledge.   By about 5 a.m. Heulighans from the American Eastern seaboard were waking up, and the responses to the Twitter conversation and the poem went wild.   I update this to honour a wonderful night of giggling over the keyboard with Diana and my fellow fans of her work around the globe.

This post received a remarkable number of visitors- over 450 in the day with many, many lovely comments left for me on Twitter and Facebook.  I thank you all.  I consider myself thoroughly educated and well entertained as well.

.

If that wasn’t enough awesomeness,

Diana dedicated her August 5th Daily Lines to ME!

(see Shawn swooning in astonishment)   Read those hashtags:

 #ThisOnesForShawnLBird  

#poetess 

 That’s pretty fantastic support for anyone, don’t you think?  She saw some craziness happening, and this was her response.  I am so glad to know her, to have her support, and to learn how to handle social media hysteria by following her example. “The words get into their heads and drive them mad.”  Yup.  Glad I have friends in high places!  With Diana on my side, I feel almost invincible.

.

And now this poem is the subject of my very first poem video!  Click to see and hear it! 🙂

.

.

 

For the #HeughansHeughligans = a Mustard Bean Pickle recipe July 16, 2013

In response to the furore racing around the Outlander world about main character Jamie Fraser being played by Sam Heughan, and the requirement that to be a #HeughansHeughligans you must like pickles (don’t ask).  I hereby humbly submit my mother-in-law’s Mustard Bean Pickle recipe.  I love these.  I haven’t made them in years, but it might just be time again!  (This is not Outlander’s Kitchen.  I am not a chef).

.

5 qt cut up beans (personally, I like them left long)

2.5 c boiling water

2.5 tsp pickling salt*

Cook beans in water/salt  above until just tender.  Drain.  Reserve liquid.  In a bowl, mix

1.25 c flour

5 tsp pickling salt

3/4 c dry mustard

2.5 tsp turmeric

8 c sugar (5 brown+3 white)

with half the reserved bean liquid to make a smooth, thin paste.  Reserve.  Boil

6.5 c vinegar

2.5 tbsp celery seeds

2 c of water

Gradually add this vinegar mixture TO the paste, mixing well after each addition.  Return to the pot and cook, stirring constantly until thick- about 5 minutes.   Add beans and bring to a boil.

Pour into hot sterilized jars.  Seal.

Munch cold while enjoying Outlander starring Sam Heughan on Starz come spring 2014.

.

*note= use pickling salt as the iodine in regular salt makes pickles soft.  No one wants droopy pickles.

 

 

 

 

 
%d bloggers like this: