Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

How to be a crappy exchange student July 31, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:15 am
Tags: , , , ,

Over the years, I have met probably a thousand exchange students. 90% of them have been amazing young people, but some really should not have been sent abroad.  Some of them had a really horrible exchange year, and they were thrilled to leave their new country and go home.  Some chose to leave voluntarily before the year was over. Some were sent home.  Some of them managed to get through the challenges and salvage their year.

Here are some of the strategies these students employed to ensure they had a year they have been grumbling about ever since.  Of course, most of these students blamed everyone but themselves for their horrible experience. 

1. Go on exchange to escape troubles at home.  Leave to escape SATs. Leave boyfriend problems.  Leave to avoid college decisions or family problems. Believe it or not, your issues will just follow you. You can’t escape. Deal with your issues before you apply to go on exchange.

2. Go on exchange to become a celebrity. While it is true that you may be highly recognizable in your new town, you may not be admired. Your home and host countries might be in political dispute, as when Canada seized Spanish fishing boats they claimed were illegally fishing on The Grand Banks. Your religious background might be unpopular in your host country. Your ethnicity might make you a target, like it was for the Indo-Canadian student in Germany presumed to be a Turk and bullied in the streets and refused service in restaurants.

3. Be afraid of or be overwhelmed by your host culture. If you are not willing to face crowds, language, smells, religion, attitudes, and ideas that are different from your own, you’re not going to be able to handle the stress of being an exchange student.

4. Be shy. Avoid talking to people.  Don’t make friends at school.  Hide in your bedroom and don’t socialize with your host family.  Don’t attend Rotary meetings.  If you do, don’t talk to the Rotarians.  Stare at the floor a lot.

5. Insult people.  Take your nationalism to extreme.  Make sure that everyone knows where you are from and that your home country is MUCH better than your host country.  Explain how they are stupid, backward, or ignorant in your host country.

6. Borrow money.  Whenever you go out, whether with host families, school friends, or other exchange students, make it a point to leave your wallet at home, and ask others to pay for you.  Never pay them back.   This is particularly effective when people learn that you are receiving several hundred dollars of spending money every month from home.

7. Lie.   Pretend you are going to school when you aren’t.  Claim you’re making lots of friends when you’re in your room on the computer all day.  Tell your family you’re with friends, but go to a bush party, get drunk, and then get in a car accident.  While in the hospital, keep telling people you weren’t drinking at a party…  (These students were sent home , one with a broken neck and severe brain damage).  

8. Moon over your boy/girlfriend back home.  Spend all your time on the phone or  sending email messages to your love back home.  Neglect making friends and participating in events so you don’t miss chat/call opportunities.  If you don’t believe either of you are mature enough to handle separation without daily contact, you are probably not mature enough to be on exchange.

9. Be a snob.  Whether because of insecurity, inferiority or actual narcisism, some students behave as if they are much better than those in their new community.   Show this by refusing to do chores your host family assigns, refusing to help in Rotary service projects, or refusing to attend functions.  You can also show this with a bored or uninterested attitude when you do deign to attend an event or by talking about yourself and never showing any interest in others’ interests or opinions.

10. Never spend a night away from home before the exchange.  The trauma of homesickness from kids from tightly emeshed homes almost always ensures the kids are home within a month of their arrival in the new country.  Your mother will probably be thrilled to have you back, tied to her apron where you belong.

11. Be disrespectful to your host mom.  The most important person for you to impress is your host mom.  She is the power behind the home.  If she likes you, you will be eating your favourite foods, going to special places, and receiving gifts for years.  If she dislikes you, well, let’s just say that you will probably be very uncomfortable. 

12. Whine a lot  and complain about your treatment by school mates, family and other exchange students.   If it seems to be a universal opinion, consider that perhaps you aren’t very likeable.  Study points 1-10 above and determine what you need to change about yourself. 

Be aware: If you aren’t usually so obnoxious in your home country, the manifestation of a few of the above points may indicate that you are suffering from culture shock.   Please speak to your club exchange counselor.  If s/he can’t help, speak to the district exchange officer.  If you address the issues early enough, you can turn your horrendous time into a wonderful, enriching exchange.  It’s not the host family, your club, or your circumstances that create a great year.  Your attitude is the most important thing, so if you find yourself having problems, decide what YOU can change to improve the situation.

.

PS.  In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that more than a few of the points above applied to my own exchange year.   I think I had a great year abroad, but like everyone, I had some things I could have done better in order to have had an even better experience.

 

Memory rippling over fire July 29, 2010

Filed under: Grace Awakening,Literature — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:28 am

Memory distorts with time, like air rippling over a fire—what is gone becomes only more precious, becomes only more precious, becomes a yearning, a perfect dream.  Every word of those letters, every moment I shared with him, has been memorized in the language of a dream continuously visited, revisited.  The letters are gone but only haunt me more; I close my eyes and remember the words by heart.  I have nothing of the girl I used to be, aside from those old dreams.  I have become a ghost of myself.” (p. 88.  The King’s Rose  Alisa M. Libby)

Well Alisa, I couldn’t have said that better myself.  I bet Auntie Bright could completely relate to this sentiment!

 

Rotary Youth Exchange: open mind, broken heart July 27, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Rotary — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:41 am
Tags: , , , ,

In the blog about The Exchange Student Cycle, I mentioned that at the end of an exchange, the worst part of being an exchange student becomes clear. No one warns you about how difficult it is to come home.

When you choose to be an exchange student, you know in your head that you are going to become attached to your new country. You know that you will have host families and that you will make friends abroad. You hope they will be close friends. You hope you will love your families. Friends and families provide the strength and value of an exchange, but they also cause the greatest pain. When you leave home, you expect to see all your friends and families in a year, but when it comes time to leave your new country, you realize that you may never see these people again. They have become a precious part of your life, and you are leaving them behind to return to your old life. If you have had the wonderful year you wanted to have, you are about to be disemboweled. Unless you’ve experienced the death of a loved one, it is unlikely you will ever have experienced the suffering you will endure when you leave your exchange friends and families behind to return to your old life. You can never return to your exchange life. Even if you return to the country, it will never be the same again.

If you’ve had a successful exchange year, you will have embraced a new life. You will feel part of a new culture. You’ll be dreaming in a new language. You will feel like you belong in that world, and the life you left at home will seem very, very far away. You will wonder that you ever found it strange and difficult to fit in. You will find it difficult to remember what life was really like back home, and that’s the moment when they send you home.

Now the crushing truth becomes clear. You are leaving people you love behind, and you may never see them again. The pain is engulfing. Your heart is about to be torn in half, and left behind in your exchange country. When your heart is left behind, the exchange was everything it was supposed to be.

Rotary Youth Exchange: opening minds and breaking hearts since 1929.

 

time travelling July 25, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Grace Awakening,Writing — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:02 am
Tags: , , , ,

Writing is a way of communicating across time and space. As a teen, I remember a friend ruminating about how his letter was going to time travel to me, and that when I read it, a week or so hence, I’d be in his past. When I read my teen diaries, I’m conscious that I am time travelling back to visit with another self, and I wish I had a little more of value to say about the times and experiences I was having! I was, sadly, a very boring diarist, as I explored my particular obsession ad nauseum. Nonetheless, the power of that time travel is still with me. My diaries are messages to the future that are still there, waiting for an even further flung future. My thoughts, my worries, my dreams are all congealing on those pages, just waiting for a future someone to read the message. Unfortunately, the communication is one way. How I wish I could send a message back to that young diarist and tell her that it would all work out: every last bit of it, as perfectly as could be wished, and assure her that she would find the meaning of the life story she was struggling to understand.

These days, I am spending a lot of time with Francesco Petrarca, a man who loved to write as much as he loved to read. Letters, poetry, essays were left behind him in a tidal wave of very well edited paper. He left us so many messages to the future that are still quoted by philosophers, theologians, historians, and poets. He was a fascinating guy, and it is amusing to read some of the commentators who evaluate Petrarca’s own perception of himself. He was apparently a blatantly proud self-promoter, using his celebrity with aplomb and thoroughly satisfied with his own worth. Although he wrote of his frailties of faith, his words suggest that he was humbly proud. He would be blissful that we are still pouring over his words today, and yet not particularly surprised about it. He believed his words were worth something significant; after all, his master work was his “Letter to Posterity” which he fully intended for people to be reading long after his death.

I am absolutely adoring the ‘Franco’ who is being revealed to me as I read his writings, and those of the philosophers, historians and such who have analyzed his life. I think I’m falling head over heels in love with him, actually. Funny how his intellectual charisma reaches across time through his words, and draws us to him. I can see him at a cocktail party, gathering an audience as he asks tricky questions, delights in argument and good conversation, and has everyone enchanted. Thanks for your words, Franco. I wish I could travel back to 1370 and tell you myself.

 

celebrating Petrarca July 23, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Grace Awakening,Reading,Writing — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:22 am
Tags: , , ,

On July 20 & 19, 2010 it was the 306th anniversary of the birth of Francesco Petrarch in Arezzo, Italy and the 236th anniversary of his death in Arqua near Padua Italy 70 years later.

Petrarca will feature prominently in my life over the next few years, and I am finding him a fascinating man to get to know. Aside from his romantic tale of woe, as re-told briefly in Grace Awakening, he was a significant intellect of his time. It was his interest in Classical studies that ushered in the Renaissance. He was the one that coined the term, “The Dark Ages” for the Medieval period when men of intellect stopped studying the classics and lost themselves in church pronouncements and reinterpretations of history.  His writings were used to establish the  language rules for modern Italian.  He was declared the Poet Laureate of Rome in 1341 when he was only 35 years old.  His name is attached to the sonnet form he developed: the Italian or Petrarchan sonnet.

As Petrarca travelled around Italy and France, he collected the finest library in Christendom, one fought over after his death.  Here is a man who loved learning, celebrated travelling for new experiences, delved into history to better understand himself, climbed mountains for the aestetic of seeing the view at the top, struggled with faith, and loved purely with a devotion that was stronger than death.

One of the most wonderful (and challenging) things about Petrarca is that he was a prolific writer.  He wrote volumes and volumes about his life, his thoughts, and his beliefs. He wrote poetry about his love. He wrote biographies of those he admired. He wrote letters to his friends. Most of his writings survive, because his genius was well-recognised at the time. There is a lot of material to go through!

As I unfold the layers of his life, I hope that I can do justice to the story and that the embellishments I bring will be worthy of him.  He is surprising and amazing me at every turn.    It’s not going to be a quick book to write.  I have 70 years of writings to work through and tons of things to learn about the time and place.  I just hope this amazing man will captivate you when I am finally able to introduce you to him in a few years.

 

The Exchange Student Cycle July 22, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Rotary — Shawn L. Bird @ 7:37 am
Tags: , , , ,

Canadian Rotary exchange students at Helsinki World Figureskating Championships 1983 (+1 Aussie)

A couple decades ago, when I was working as an exchange student counselor, I came across some information about the exchange student cycle. It was such an accurate description that I have always made a point to tell exchange students about this cycle, because it is good to be warned of the bumps ahead.  If you know what to expect, when you’re in a rough spot, you can think of it rationally, knowing that soon enough you’ll move into the next part of the cycle. Everything has a season. These are the seasons of exchange student life.

It doesn’t seem to matter whether you’re involved in a two week exchange, a three month exchange, or a year long exchange; the cycle remains pretty much the same. An exchange is divided into three sections.  Each section seems to last roughly one third of the exchange.  Knowing the three parts to the exchange cycle helps you understand the changes in relationships and attitudes that occur throughout the year. If you imagine a typical ten month exchange in which a student arrives in the new country in late August and is set to return home around the end of June, the cycles will be split somewhere around November and March. There is no specific line, and you may find yourself moving back and forth between two stages for a month or two. If you rotate to a new host family every ten weeks or so, you will likely experience mini exchange student cycles in each home, as well as the over-riding year cycle.

During the honeymoon phase of the exchange, everything is new and wonderful. While sometimes there is an issue of culture shock, the student is usually expecting so much change that it isn’t too difficult to accept.  You’ve been warned that everything will be new and different.  You’re prepared for these differences and you’re excited to experience them. In this phase, the host family is still treating the student as a guest, showing them the sites and being solicitous. The school might be particularly challenging because of language issues, but you often feel like a celebrity, and are often treated as such. You tend to be on your best behaviour making an effort to be liked and interested in the new culture.  You tend to love your new culture a lot in this stage.

In the second phase, the bloom is off the rose. The family is used to having the student in the home. At this time, if there are host brothers and sisters, it is more likely that there will be some ‘sibling rivalry’ than at other times in the exchange. The novelty of the new experiences has worn off, and now the real work has begun. This is the point in the exchange when your new culture is a pain in the butt.  You long for your favourite meal, your favourite snack.  You want your friends.  You want your old, easy life. There is more expectation for you to be functioning in the new language, which can be stressful. School seems difficult and unaccommodating. In a year long exchange, this phase tends to coincide with Christmas time, which adds another challenge. You’re used to certain weather, special family traditions and foods, etc, but now you’re in a new place where the traditions are completely different, if they celebrate the holiday at all.  It’s not better or worse, it’s just different, but at Christmas time we often don’t want different, so it is not unexpected that you should be a little nostalgic for home and family. This is the period in the exchange where it feels like work. You let your best behaviour lapse and let your warts show up.  At this stage, petty irritations start to become issues.   This might be the point in the change when you want to give up and go home.  Hang on.  Keep trying,  talk to your counselor, and wait it out.  Luckily, at some point the challenge of this stage lifts, and one day you relax into life in your new culture.  You just fit comfortably into school and family.  You feel settled. 

Suddenly you realize that the exchange time is moving on, and that it is not going to be long before you are heading home. Now there is a last minute rush to do all the things you wanted to do. Now is when the student starts to enjoy every possible activity, because it might be the last opportunity to do it. There is a clear awareness that you have become at home in this new culture, and that it would not be difficult to stay here forever. In the third phase everything is bittersweet. Experiences are grabbed and savoured, but with the understanding of your attachment to this world, there is a sense of impending loss. The last few weeks of the exchange can be extremely difficult, as the worst part of being an exchange student becomes clear, but we’ll discuss that in another blog.

Be prepared for the changes and celebrate the victories!   You are experiencing one of the most challenging, most valuable, and most amazing year of your life.  Enjoy each phase.

 

Why I Am a Rotarian. July 9, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Rotary — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:18 am
Tags: , , , , ,

I was first drawn to Rotary when I became interested in Rotary Youth Exchange as a teen. I was chosen to represent the brand new Rotary Club of Okanagan Mission and Canada in Kotka, Finland. The Rotary International theme for my exchange year was “Mankind is One–Build Bridges of Friendship Throughout the World.” I truly embraced that vision and in the intervening years that message summed up what my exchange meant to me. We were taught (and since we’ve hosted many students, and my own daughter has been on exchange as well, I know they’re still teaching) exchange students that the purpose of the Rotary Youth Exchange program is to send kids around the world to become part of a family (or several families) in a new place, so that when they return to their homes, they will be able to advocate for peace. They won’t tolerate bombs being dropped on their new families and friends. They will be instrumental in teaching tolerance and understanding. The exchange student mantra is shared: “Not better. Not worse. Just different!” Living in a new culture requires acceptance, openness and steadfastness. It is not an easy experience, but it is worthwhile. Leaving the new culture and returning to one’s original country, we are unable to see our own culture quite the same way as we did before we left. We become instruments for peace in our world. We are changed. 

My daughter was raised knowing that we had ‘family’ in Finland. Every Christmas would come plates, glass, ornaments, and textiles from companies like Arabia, Iittala, Aarikka, or Marimekko. She knew they were very special people because they were my host families. We hosted many exchange students ourselves over the years, and the kids learned about other places, cultures and experiences from their foreign siblings. My daughter dreamed of becoming a Rotary exchange student herself. When the time came, she studied the history of Rotary, the purpose of exchange, and the  projects of local clubs. As a result, she did well on her interviews, and was chosen to represent the Rotary Club of Salmon Arm (Shuswap) in Spain for 2005-06. During her year of preparation we were invited to attend several Rotary meetings. My past experience as an exchange student was made known. At one of those meetings a Rotarian asked, “With all your history with Rotary, why aren’t you a Rotarian?” I responded frankly, “Because I was never asked.” Needless to say, within a few months, I had become a member of the club.

Was it just nostalgia for my own involvement as a student? Perhaps. But I still believe in the things that I respected most about Rotary back in 1982. When I was a student, there were no women members in Rotary. When I heard on the news in 1989 that women were being accepted as Rotarians, my first thought was that it was now possible that I could actually join this amazing organization. It was a delightful prospect. Of course, it was  years before the opportunity presented itself! I am fiercely proud of Rotary’s international and local service projects. I am honoured to be part of the battle to eradicate polio from the planet. I am thrilled to support literacy projects. I am delighted to see lives changed because of who we are and what we do. Our communities are better because of us.

My little club stuns me on a regular basis. The members are a poster for Margaret Mead’s famous quote, “Never underestimate the power of a small but committed group of people to change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” The twenty-five members raised over $40,000 to fund a CT scanner for our local hospital. We have built and maintained trails, built fences for a shelter, provided an industrial shredder that allows mentally challenged adults to do meaningful work. We support single parents going to college. We support innumerable community projects, particularly for youth. Internationally, we’ve provided funds to vaccinate twenty-six thousand children against polio in the last two years. We support mid-wife training in Guatemala, are putting two girls in Africa through high school, and have provided dental care to orphans in the Ukraine and to the poor in Ecuador. We have sent youth and young professionals to participate in year long high school exchanges, short term Ambassadorial Exchanges, Group Study Exchanges, and this year we sponsored a graduate student who is now a Rotary Peace Fellow. We are making a huge difference in our community and around the world.

That’s why I am a Rotarian.

 

prequel preparation July 8, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Grace Awakening,Writing — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:52 am
Tags: , ,

When one begins an enterprise, it is not uncommon that the effort required to reach the goal is under-estimated. I’m sure there are many ventures that are begun and soon abandoned when the scope of the effort begins to unfold. The other option is to dig deeply and find the resources to plow ahead. The harvest will be worth the effort, no matter how many stones appear in the field during the seeding time.

Here I find myself, as I develop the Grace Awakening prequel. I had not expected to have quite so much research ahead of me, and yet as I realise I need to know this or that thing, I find my natural curiosity making the task that much sweeter. It definitely slows down the progress, but the vision is slowly revealing itself. I’m excited to be at the beginning of this journey.

I’m lucky that I am one who enjoys process as much as product. I am able to enjoy the journey as well as the destination. I suppose if I could not, that I wouldn’t be able to take the beginning steps. But here I am, glowing with anticipation at the difficulties ahead. This is going to be a wonderful trip!

 

Today I’m 21 July 6, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 5:47 am
Tags: , , ,

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent -that is to triumph over old age.
– Thomas Bailey Aldrich

It is my birthday. Today I am 21.  Again. I’ve been 21 quite a few times. I’ve also been 29 and 35. I’ve been older, too, but not often. Age depends on attitude more than number. A cheerful, fun loving way of enjoying life keeps us youthful.  Today I’m full of all the things that 21 has always been for me: Joyful. Full of anticipation for opportunities unfolding ahead.  Appreciative of the wonderful people in my life. Thankful an amazing year just past.

In New Moon, Jacob tells Bella, “Age is just a number, baby.” He’s right. One can re-define the parameters for new numbers. Is my dog 10? Or 70? Or some other age? My mom is 80, but apparently she is far too young to go to activities at the Seniors’ Centre, because “those are for old people.” Contrarily, I attend a lot of activities where I am the youngest person there. I’m frequently the youngest person in my Rotary Club, for example. I am often the only woman with natural hair, though.

J.. P. Senn advised, “Let us respect gray hairs, especially our own.” I couldn’t agree more. I was 35 and completely ‘platinum blonde’ on top when I chose to embrace the natural look rather than continuing with society’s pressure to spend a fortune to colour my hair every couple of weeks I figure I’ve saved well over a thousand dollars in home colour kits since I did. (I’ve spent it in jewelery, another natural adornment for a woman!) It was fascinating to be in Italy and to not see a single Italian feminine grey head in two weeks. Black hair everywhere, and to be honest, not too many touch up lines in evidence, so they were obviously really diligent about it. Our society is afraid to accept change. Grey hair is assumed to suggest incapacity, lack of virility, and nostalgia. What happened to wisdom, experience, knowledge?

Is it ironic that my students think that I bleach my hair this colour, because they don’t think it can possibly be natural? They’ve so rarely seen naturally silver hair that they don’t understand that it can occur on a youthful face. No wrinkles, but silver hair. How old is she? Is she 50? 40? 30?

Today, I’m 21 and there’s a splash of pink in my hair.  Who says I don’t colour my hair?

 

thanks Steph! July 5, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:02 am
Tags:

I love what Stephenie Meyer does to the creative centres of my brain.

She takes me to places where ideas flow over me until I’m drowning in them.