When I consider all the jobs on the planet that I am suited for, I frequently must acknowledge: I should have been a princess.
I definitely wouldn’t want to be a queen, because that’s way too much responsibility, but I’d be a good princess. I might even be a GREAT princess. I would love to be taken on tours of factories, museums, stately houses, gardens and the like. I would enjoy listening to music from all sorts of ethnic groups. I would enjoy eating a wide variety of interesting meals, and if I was princess, I wouldn’t have the situation I experiencedd at the last school lunch when I was holding a wonderful smelling bowl of soup, salivating in anticipation, only to be told, “Oh the soup has got nuts in it!” because if I was a princess, the caterers wouldn’t use foods I’m allergic to!
I love travelling and learning languages, so I would take advantage of my princess status to study abroad to learn to speak languages I’m missing like German, Japanese, and Chinese. I’d like to improve my Spanish and Italian to fluency as well. I would be able to take lessons on international history and political science which I always found quite intriguing. I would happily support the arts in a wide variety of forms. I would also be happy to support designers and to model new clothes, shoes and hats for many occasions, and then to re-combine them in interesting ways so they didn’t look exactly the same at future events. (That’s my frugal nature coming out).
Since I am a terrible housekeeper, I would be delighted to have a household staff to look after the mundane tasks, and it’d be fantastic to have a personal secretary to ensure I didn’t forget the day’s appointments. I would not resent them or try to do their jobs. I would be appreciative of their efforts. I would be proud to support the local economy and I would be a great employer if I was a princess.
Of course, there’d be some challenges as well. The paparazzi would be a problem. I am not photogenic all the time, so there would be a lot of nasty photos to out-balance the absolutely adorable ones. I also tend to be a trifle outspoken and suffer from ‘foot in mouth’ disease. This is a problem when one moves in diplomatic circles. As well, I am not good at receiving ugly or stupid gifts. My real opinion shows on my face. This would also be a problem if I was a princess. I suspect that I would be able to get training in all these areas were I to become a princess. If I were a real princess, I would need to ensure that I demonstrated poise at all times.
Since becoming a princess is usually a birth thing, and I didn’t have the plan worked out in time to be born to a royal household, I had to work out a second strategy. Being well versed in my fairy tales, logically I planned to marry a prince. I had it all figured out. I was going to move to England and attend the same college as Prince Edward. I was going to need his help in the library (In later years, I decided our mutual love of theatre would be a natural bond as well). However we met, moments later my naturally adorable nature was going to completely entrance him. The political benefits of marrying a colonial would be obvious to the Queen and “Voila.” One small 4th in line to the throne royal wedding later, I’d have been Princess Shawn.
Unfortunately, there were complications. Instead studying in England, my exchange year abroad was spent in Finland. While other Scandanian countries of Sweden, Denmark and Norwa
y have monarchies, which would have provided an opportunity for me to explore my strategy (if I could have convinced the Scandanavian princes who were 14 , 3 and 11 at the time!). Republican Finland did not. I spent a lot of time at Czar Alexander’s fishing cottage in Langinkoski, but it had been a long time since anyone royal had been there, so no one arrived from Russia to meet and fall in love with me and carry me back to become a Czarina. Actually, considering what happened to Alexander’s family, that was probably for the best.
I would like to point out that Catherine Middleton used my Prince Finding Technique almost to the letter. Since it worked so well for her, you can see that it was a sound plan. Even though it didn’t work out for me, I’m glad it worked out for her.
My husband would tell you that even though I don’t have any official status, I definitely still embody the attitude of a princess. I will confess, he does a great job of letting me feel like a princess most of the time. (I haven’t had to pick up doggy do in ages!) He may not have a title, either, but trust me, he is a prince himself, and he looks mighty fine in his Italian suit! Despite the worth of my consort, it’s not looking good for me to get an invitation to a tiara worthy state occasion any time soon, so I just have to content myself with wearing it around the house.
I wonder if Queen Elizabeth ever answers her email in t-shirt, jeans and tiara?
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FYI
The Scandanavian princes are Prince Frederik of Denmark, born in ’68, Prince Carl of Sweden, born in ’79 and Prince Haakon of Norway born in ’73. Prince Edward was the best hope, as he is just a few months older than me. The only other real candidate was Prince Albert of Monaco who was born in ’58.

dear 16 year old me (and you) May 26, 2011
Tags: dear 16 year old me, melanoma, postaday2011, skin cancer
My father has malignant melanomas. If you have seen what skin cancer looks like, you will have no difficulty embracing this message.
slip into the shade
slap on a hat
slop on the sunscreen.
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