Today a group of my students were interviewed for an upcoming documentary about living in a small town. It was interesting to hear their feedback after the experience. They wondered if the interviewer was trying too hard to ‘connect with the youth of today’ by “dropping f-bombs in every sentence” and telling them that she and her friends had taken acid in the 90s. They weren’t impressed.
In the staff room the other day, we were commenting about the kids in the smoke pit. At our school, it is an area about eight feet square, marked by cement barricades a couple of feet high off to the side of our entry, just outside of the parking lot (and therefore, presumably not technically ‘on school grounds’). There are maybe a dozen kids who hang out there off and on over the course of the day, though I’ve never seen more than six at any one time. There are around five hundred students at our school. The teachers were discussing how ‘once upon a time’ the smoke pit was packed, and it was full of cool kids. Now, the kids in the smoke pit are the losers, generally looked at with disdain by the other kids.
I can remember teaching in Prince George, where probably a hundred kids stood in minus twenty, being cool, and smoking. Once, they watched a moose wander past, and then get shot by conservation officers. The smoking area was always lively and crowded, murdered moose, not withstanding.
Not these days. It seems that kids are getting the message about healthy living. They smoke less than their parents and grand-parents. Since according to experts in the workshops attended by my ex-social worker spouse, the real ‘gateway drug’ is tobacco, does this decrease of activity at the smoke pit mean kids are less likely to graduate to harder drugs, and therefore less likely to find themselves popping acid by the train tracks like the interviewer, who’d attended this school a decade ago?
I don’t know, but I hope so. I’m really happy they weren’t impressed by her stories and foul language. Whoever says youth are getting worse isn’t keeping their eyes open. Personally, I like what I see.
Shawn L. Bird 
drain kids August 14, 2012
Tags: children, drain, grown, independence, kids, parenting, support, twenties
I’m thinking about grown kids and pondering some things I’ve been noticing lately.
First, it seems that a lot of twenty-somethings these days seem to expect that their parents should still be supporting them financially (and the odd estranged spouse who thinks the OTHER spouse should be supporting adult kids who have been poisoned against them). I’m kind of baffled by this concept. It seems to me that if you are no longer living at home, if you are healthy, if you are in school, or if you are in a couple, you are definitely old enough to be responsible for yourself. I observe many who seem to think they’re entitled to a nice house, a nice car, an expensive education, and a large entertainment budget, and that their parents should still be footing the bill for this.
Really?
When do they plan to grow up and be responsible for themselves?
I was married at 21. Our wedding budget was $1000. We went to school, scrimped, shopped at thrift stores, had babies, and we never moved back in with our parents. We couldn’t afford a honeymoon, or even vacations for many years. We visited our parents. Now, our parents definitely tried to help us out. They would always send us home with groceries, baking, canned goods, and even clothing. But we never would have imagined monthly financial support from them. They didn’t even help with tuition unless we were paying them back (which we did promptly).
We still earned degrees, bought progressively bigger houses, and eventually went on vacations. I know it’s possible to do this even now, and know young couples who have a mature and responsible view to their independence.
The drain children alarm me. I feel particularly for their parents, who are being manipulated by kids who won’t talk to them if they’re not forking over cash. At the same time, I recognise that parents often like to help their kids and feel good to know they’re giving them a leg up. When those kids are ungrateful, malicious, or obnoxious, I don’t think there is anything wrong with letting them live with the logical consequences and to earn their way. When they’ve been supported, helped, loved and encouraged their whole lives and then are horrible to their parents, I think that is a sign of immaturity that requires some time and distance. At some point they have to learn what mutual respect looks like. I’ve heard the, “but then I’ll lose them” argument and I wonder at what point we let our kids make their own choices? It’s like that poster from the 70s,
They can leave, and they can come back when they’ve matured a bit and learned to be responsible for their own decisions and budget. (Or more likely, when they need grandparents to help babysit.) We do the best we can as parents, but we have to let them go at some point! They have to be free to make mistakes so they can grow. They have to be pushed out of the nest even if they sit on the ground peeping frantically, convinced they can’t do it. We have to force them to learn to use their wings, or they’ll never fly.
What do you think? Are you a 20-something? Are you supported by your parents? Are you a parent? Are your kids a drain?
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