In my dreams
two cookies appear on my plate
when I glance down
I have eaten one.
In dismay I think
I just won’t eat the other,
but next glance,
it is gone, too.
I think, how strange, I eat
without even noticing.
That’s a bad habit.
.
.
(39 days on the diet–twenty pounds down–apparently my subconscience craves cookies?)
Don’t explain a gain.
Re-train the brain.
Retain the refrain in the brain:
ABSTAIN!
WordPress Daily Blog challenge. Day 46 prompt: What you learned recently
Between August 2009 and August 2010 I watched my sister-in-law shrink. She had been on stage receiving accolades for her Tupperware™ successes at the Jubilee in Florida and decided that the next Jubilee when she was on that stage, she would be slender. All year, with the support of her local Herbal Magic, she lost consistently, shedding basically 2 lbs a week for a year. The transformation was phenomenal.
I watched and I learned. I had researched Herbal Magic previously, and decided that it was not for me, but I learned about a program called Health Pointe 2.0 that seemed to follow similar principles but at a fraction of the cost, run by a lady I respect in our community. October 31 I signed up to reprogram my brain and body so I could get rid of the stubborn thirty pounds I gained during my teaching practicum so many years ago… (and 20 of their pound friends that joined them afterwards!)
What I’ve learned is that it’s possible to defeat the fat! I already had a bit of a fitness regime, dancing a couple times a week and getting out on long walks reasonably regularly. I amped that up by joining Curves, and getting there to work out at least 4 times a week. I basically have cut carbs from my life. I will occasionally have a bit of rice or potato, but not on a daily basis. I have doubled my fruit and vegetable intake. I made sure I’m never hungry by taking in a protein snack every couple of hours (cottage cheese, yoghurt, protein bar…). It hasn’t been difficult, and after the results became apparent the first week, it’s been easy to see the inevitable reward. Yesterday my husband tried to take me for lunch to A&W, but because I’d just had my protein snack, I was able to resist the temptation and saved myself a thousand calories I didn’t need. This morning I was rewarded with the lowest number on my scale in a decade.
It’d be great if it was a faster process. I’d hoped to be further along by this point, but I’m still two sizes smaller than I was in October and it’s very obvious. I bought size 12 pants yesterday and the size 16, 18 and 20s are off to the thrift store…
I’ve also learned that there are solutions for small issues. I am reticent to take vitamin pills for some reason. Perhaps because they’re so huge and nasty to swallow I manage to forget them all the time. This weekend I found adult gummy vitamins!! Mmmm! Oh what a wonderful invention those are! Problem solved. 😉
Following my week’s focus on gratitude, let me spell this out. I am thankful for the inspiration of Cindy Bird to begin this weight loss journey. I am thankful for the success I’m having and the support of Marie Kolenosky of Health Pointe 2.0. I am thankful for a very happy husband who celebrates the changes (even if he tries to tempt with pizza and burgers). I am thankful for gummy vitamins!
18 down- 20 to go!
The fat girl is crying inside tears under her laughter.
She bounces ’round the school yard and wants to be what boys are after.
Such a shame that she’s so fat
She might be pretty under that.
They never look at her that way, because they are superficial,
She weeps into pillow then decides to make it official.
Such a shame that she’s so fat
She could be pretty under that.
If boys can’t see how sweet she is beneath her layers of fat
She’ll be alone unless she drops the weight and that is that.
She spends some time and works a bit on losing what she can
She drops a few that thin her face and now she’ll snare her man.
Such a shame that she was fat
She’s mighty pretty under that.
She lies in wait for just the one Who doesn’t know her past
Before he can imagine what’s ahead she’ll snag him tightly fast.
Such a shame she’s been so fat
Everyone knows it’s under that.
And so it was, a handsome man came looking for a mate
A wedding day and he is snared not knowing what’s his fate.
Such a shame that she was fat
He sees a beauty under that.
The joy of having kids to love can’t quite remove the loathing
she feels when she looks in the mirror and soon she stops her doting.
Such a shame that she’s so fat
and rather bitchy on top of that.
Her handsome man becomes a source of constant humiliation
She wants to be what she can not Her bitterness infuses frustation.
Such a shame that she’s so fat
She should be jolly under that.
Because she can’t accept herself, she compensates with work
She wants everyone to admire her wherever she should lurk.
With strength of will she bends all ears to make them see her side
They buy from her and sing her praise while hubby sees her lies.
Such a shame that she’s so fat
Her husband loves her under that.
From time to time a program comes along and she drops pounds
The success makes her elated and she tells everyone around.
She is trapped in self-disgust in her body that is fat.
Because inevitably it all comes back and more on top of that
There’s only one success in life she’s nothing if not thin
She desperate now to be the girl who always gets to win.
Such a shame that she’s so fat
She’s sure successful besides that.
.
No matter if she has success and earns a lot of money
The truth of who she really is is certainly not funny.
Inside’s the little fat girl who is self-absorbed and cruel
She’s so desperate for admiration that it only serves to fuel
Control o’er all who come to her thinking she is kind and true
But watch yourself, she’ll take all you’ve got ’til there’s nothing left of you.
Such a shame that she’s like that
No heart is left beneath the fat.
.
.
This poem is rooted in that aphorism “Wherever you go, there you are.” Some people blame a lot of things for their sense of unfulfillment– their weight, their race, their spouse, their circumstances, having kids, not having kids, etc. Although we all have challenges to overcome, it’s always our own life, and our character is revealed in how we deal with those challenges. So here is a narrative of a woman who was obsessed by the needy fat child within her and how she lets that child run her life. It’s an extended metaphor. It is a cautionary tale. Those inner children should not be allowed to run amok! They are like Stephenie Meyer’s Immortal Children in Breaking Dawn– they destroy all around them, while the creators lose everything in the fight to save them. Sometimes we have to destroy the inner child in order to save ourselves and our relationships.
Shawn L. Bird 