Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Thankful for… Invocation October 23, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Rotary,Rotary invocations — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:21 am
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We are thankful for warm hearts
that echo with the call to serve.

We are thankful for strong hands
that do the work to serve.

We are thankful for wise heads
that consider how best to serve.

We are thankful that willing members
allow Rotary to serve the world.

© Shawn Bird 2010.  Free use within Rotary.

 

unpacking lessons October 20, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 6:52 pm
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A while ago I got a note about a student.  I was told by a relative, “You should know that he’s a bad kid.” 

Wow.  Labels already.  Does the kid self-identify as a ‘bad kid’ and if so, how hard does he have to work to ensure his label is properly affixed?  (Not hard, actually, most people seem willing to accept it).

I wrote her back and said,“There are no such thing as ‘bad kids’ there are just ‘baggaged kids’ and it’s our job as teachers to help them to unpack.”

I thought it was a profound sentiment, and I realise that it’s not an easy chore.  Some kids come from homes where instability is the order of the day.  They have addicted parents and often have intimate experience with physical, emotional and sexual abuse.  They see  violence as the routine way to interact in their community.  Their behavior only manifests their reality.  

In Restitution workshops a few years ago, I learned one key concept that has been guiding my teaching practice since: 

All behavior is purposeful.

The behavior is meeting a need, or the person would not be doing it.  Whether they’re having a tantrum, doing drugs, or staring at a wall, they’re doing it for a reason.  The skill comes from teaching the individual how to meet his or her needs in a way that is socially appropriate.  We have to meet the need and coach growth and confidence.

Have you ever unpacked after a kid’s trip to camp?  The dirt ridden, crumpled articles that come out of the bag look nothing like the pristinely clean and neatly folded articles that went in.  Socks stand by themselves.  Underwear may be slightly green.  Knees are missing from pants.  Things are a mess.  There may be unfamiliar creatures along for the ride.  It’s unpleasant pulling the stinky, disgusting mess out of the bag.  Unpacking is a challenging thing.   No one wants to do that work.

We need to haul it all to the laundry to scrub things back into a semblance of their former state.  We need to stitch up the holes.  Sometimes the articles are so thoroughly destroyed that we need to replace them with new ones that can do the job better.  We need to get the kids squeaky clean and polished like they are heading off on the first day of school: full of promise and confident that they have the skills to face any challenge, secure in the knowledge that when there are things that they can’t cope with, that adults will be there to help them through it.

Every kid deserves a fresh bag of clothes.

.

.

PS.  Sadly, I know that there are some situations that go beyond these skills. Sociopathy and psychopathy are going to require far more than metaphorical laundry soap, but society requires we endeavor to do our best.

 

First love October 15, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 1:05 am

Keeping up the theme of the last day or two, here are the lyrics to a song that a lot of you will apparently be able to relate to. I heard this the first time when it was sent to me as a radio dedication at about 3 a.m. one Sunday morning in 1981…

FIRST LOVE
(lyrics and music by James Seals and Eddie Brown, 1980)
From the album THE LONGEST ROAD (1980).

Carlos Vega – Drums; Bob Glaub – Bass; Louie Shelton – Electric and Acoustic Guitars; Greg Matheisen – Acoustic Piano and Rhodes; Don Heffington – Percussion; String Arrangement – Jimmie Haskell.

Everybody has a first love, they have left in yesterday.
Feelings they have left behind, it’s just a place in time but not so far away.
Everybody has a first love, when the dream they shared was new.
I remember that special someone, so I wrote this song just for you.

First love in my life. Where are you tonight? I wonder about you.
First love in my life. Did things turned out alright? I worry about you.
‘Cause I’ve got everything, everything in life that I wanted.
It would kill me now and make me sad to know you are lonely.
First love never dies.

I wish you love, I wish you happiness. And may the years be kind to you.
You’ll always be a part of me, share this thought with me. I’ll carry you always.

First love, first love never dies. Remember
First love, first love never dies. I tell you
First love, first love never dies. Remember
First love, first love never dies. Whoa.

Interesting to see the lyrics written out.  I always thought this line “You’ll always be a part of me, share this thought with me. I’ll carry you always.” was “You’ll always be a part of me: you shared the start with me. I’ll carry you always.”  I like my version better!  Listen for yourself.  This version shows lyrics that ‘share the start’ so I didn’t imagine that option.  Ah.  See if it makes you cry too. ;-P

 

Time October 12, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:24 am
Tags: ,

You can’t tell her anything
She doesn’t know
She sees through our masked words
To the heart’s glow.
She knows me better
Than anyone else
She knows me better
Than I know myself.
Though the strands have loosened
the bond is tight,
I still hear her voice call me
in the night
I feel her tears drenching
Her warm pillow
You can’t tell her anything
She doesn’t know.

.

persona: Umed speaking of Jalila

 

lub lub lub October 10, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 1:26 am

>>cough<<

>>sniff<<

A sympathetic sigh

and a late night trip for Neo Citrin

That’s real love.

 

hope October 9, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 1:25 am

‎”The next time you face something that’s unexpected, unwanted, and uncertain, consider that it just may be a gift.” Stacey Kramer

Wow. How true is this? You have something thrown at you that puts your world into a tailspin; you believe that nothing will ever be good again. But when you recover and find your heart again, when you can breathe and see clearly, then you notice that not only is life all right again, in many ways it is actually better than it was.

Though it seem inconceivable when the horrible thing is first thrown at you, when you come out the other side you can see the blessing of it.  A death brings people closer.  Cancer encourages you to value every day.  A divorce opens your heart to a  healthier state of mind. 

Gifts mean the most when they are unexpected.  So while you despise the circumstance that has brought you this gift, embrace it with hope for your future.  There is something valuable here for you to unwrap.

 

Meet Candice October 6, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 1:04 am

In a previous message I reported how one of the things I love about my little club is our commitment to young people, and changing the world by bringing opportunities to them. We have Rotary Youth Exchange Students, Ambassadorial Scholars and a World Peace Scholar. We’ve had several Group Study Exchange Participants as well. I would like to introduce you to Candice Roggaveen, our International Ambassadorial Scholar in Oxford. Candice was once a Youth Exchange Student representing our club in Brazil, I believe. She received an undergraduate degree in International Studies at McGill University in Montreal, and now she is looking for more ways to change the world through her studies at Oxford Brooks University.

Shuswap Rotary is proud of Candice, and encourages you to follow her adventures on her blog.

 

trying October 5, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 10:17 pm

Sometimes you try for so long to reach a goal, that the striving is your life.  If the striving is arduous, the effort can be exhausting.  If year after year you’re trying to carve your dreams, but you can’t make them happen, it’s not surprising that you might be too tired to keep trying.  You might get too tired to face the constant struggle.  You might decide the relationship you’ve been trying to salvage is just not worth the effort.  If after a couple decades of trying to make something better, if it’s not working, perhaps it’s time to accept that maybe life doesn’t have to be so much of a struggle.

Maybe you know you’ve been in a terrible situation, but you won’t want to let go of the hopes and dreams you started with.  If that struggle is all you’ve ever known, then it might be hard to see that there might be another way of living.  A peaceful, comfortable, satisfying way of living.  A way that doesn’t involve a state of constant warfare, sense of inadequacy, pain, and never quite living up to expectations.  Give it time.

Slowly you will see that others value you.  It will perhaps surprise you to see that they value you more than you were valued by people you thought loved you.   Not everyone is so critical of you.  Others may see potential that has been crushed in you. 

Let go of the burden and look into the future.  Let go of the toxins and poisons that warped your perspective and see what a clean and healthy life can look like.  Let yourself heal.  Get the medical help you need to grow stronger.  Many would be happy to love a respectful, decent person like you.  You’re worth it, even if it didn’t work with the last one.   There were lessons there.  Take the lessons, and look forward to better, because you deserve more than you’ve had, while you’ve been trying to hold on to something that wasn’t worth holding onto.

Try.

 

walking wounded October 4, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 6:18 pm
Tags: , ,

A frustrating thing about dealing with someone who has been emotionally abused, is that when the abuser has been doing a thorough job, the victim is completely paralyzed . He or she has no self-esteem left, and when that is coupled with a somewhat fanatical worship of the abuser, it adds a particularly pathetic twist to the situation.

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How can the observer who wants to help cut through years of brainwashing to instil a sense of value and hope in the victim? How can you cultivate a vision of the future that allows them to understand that they will be able to rise above their present tragedy to create a new, and possibly better life?
When the victim of abuse is a man, he is even more likely to blame himself for his abuse than women. According to a pamphlet by Public Health Agency of Canada, “Having been abused by a woman, the men felt that they had failed to achieve culturally defined masculine characteristics, such as independence, strength, toughness and self-reliance. As a result, the men felt emasculated and marginalized, and tended not to express their fears, ask for help, or even discuss details of their violent experiences.57 During the interviews, the abused men repeatedly expressed shame and embarrassment.” (http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/publications/mlintima-eng.php) The article further goes on to say that the men are often not believed, or that their abuse experience is minimized. Statistics in this article report that between 12 and 25% of men are routinely abused by their intimate partner, either emotionally or physically. I suspect many more don’t even recognise or acknowledge that the anger and shame that is their daily experience with their partner actually is abusive. It becomes a little like living in George Orwell’s 1984 where love is hate.
.

How are these men supposed to move on? If people are mentally strong and independent, they can recognize and move out of a toxic relationship.  They can accept that divorce is a reasonable alternative to the demeaning behavior, but if they are weakened in some way, through illness, depression, or Stockholm syndrome*, what do they do then?

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There are a lot of walking wounded in our communities who need hope. Thank heavens for the professionals who can help, and for loving hearts who try their best to touch those who need support, despite how frustrating it is dealing with those who are unwilling to help themselves.

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*PS- do click on the Stockholm Syndrome link.  It goes to an excellent article called “Love and the Stockholm Syndrome: The mystery of loving an abuser.”

 

revisionist history October 2, 2010

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 1:36 am

That sweet sad face
alone on the playground,
lost in her thoughts,
playing with ponies,
is creating a new world
that shuts out what
was most wonderful
of her.

Who is behind
the revisionist theories
that are shredding

who she was?

 .

Twins raised apart
are more similar
than those raised together,
and fight nature
to find individuality.

.
Too much alike,
so one must re-write history
and craft a vision
that is completely different
from what the other sees.

 .

Affection, nurture, and laughter

are slashed through with the editor’s pen

and misunderstanding and frustration

are in bold print

in this edition of her life.

 .

Who replaced the beloved child

with this angry young woman

holding tightly to her hand-crafted memories?