Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Places where the Graces are… (part one) July 23, 2011

Readers who aren’t from Calgary are going to be really confused about the weather described in Awakening Dreams. Weather in Calgary is complicated. Here’s a really good youTube video that explains the phenomenon of the Chinook, which brings warm, dry weather and can melt feet of snow in a few hours as temperatures soar to 21 Celsius (~70 Fahrenheit), as well as the reasons why there’s been snow in Calgary every month of the year!.

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Some days you just gotta dance… July 22, 2011

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 3:48 pm
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I can’t think of many better things to do than to travel the world dancing.  How fun is this?  Where the Hell is Matt is a blog that shows where Matt is travelling and dancing.   This is proof that you don’t have to have a lot of fancy moves to make the activity worthwhile!  All you need is a little enthusiasm.  Enjoy!

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PS.  He’s heading off again, so if you want to join him, fill out this  form on his website.  His website is, as might be expected, rather entertaining.  You will probably enjoy hanging out there.

 

 

I want a yurt! July 20, 2011

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 10:05 pm
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I visited my first yurt tonight.

I want one.

A peaceful view of fields and hills.  The silence of no electrics buzzing.  The organic sense of a round space.  The ‘motion’ of the lattice.    The span of the ceiling.  The light.  Ahhhhhh….

I have no idea what I would do with a yurt and where I would put one, but the gypsy in my soul was stirred!

Suddenly I’m looking at view lots and composting toilets.     Should I spend $75,000 setting up a lot and a 4 season tent?!  lol  Probaby not, but it’s tempting!

See if you’re tempted at http://yurtco.com/  Let me know what you think!

 

THE DAY! July 19, 2011

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:12 am
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Well, today is the day!

After years of writing, editing, compiling, collaborating, waiting and abating, Grace Awakening is finally greeting the world! Today Lintusen Press uploaded Grace Awakening to BookBaby.com for formatting and distribution to the e-book outlets around the world. Whether you have a Sony e-reader, a Nook, an iPad, an iPhone, or a Kindle you will be able to download Book one: Awakening Dreams for the remarkable introductory price of 99c.

I have a niece who is 2 weeks from her due date today, and as it happens, now so am I.  Bookbaby says it takes 5-10 days for the file to be prepared and sent off to the various e-stores.  Those e-stores take from 2 to 14 days to get the files onto their sites and ready to sell.  That means my baby could be ready for the world in 7 days or 21 days- just like my niece’s baby.

We’re in the longest waiting period.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

((sigh))

Keep your eyes open!

(PS.  On the Facebook fan page there’s a contest for the first sighting on a sales site.  Feel free to join the watch and win a prize!)

 

Drive how? July 13, 2011

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 4:49 pm
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Language is a mutable thing. I remember being taught that as a kid.  I know it’s true.  In the past 20 years, I have watched with interest as adverbs have disappeared. When I started teaching English, kids had no trouble identifying adverbs. They were easy to spot, since most of them ended in -ly. We’d find the verb of the sentence and ask how? He walks. How? Joyfully! Quickly! Sadly! Carefully! Morosely!

Now kids struggle to find the adverb because the easy identifier has vanished. When people speak these days, they often use adjectives in the place of adverbs.  How does he walk? Quick.  Sad.  Morose.  Careful.  Joyful.  It is confusing for kids to learn the ‘correct’ option versus the common usage. It does not help that the government does it, too.

Ever seen this  sign?   DRIVE SLOW!

ARGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

Every time I see it I re-state it correctly: DRIVE SLOWLY!!!

Seriously, how expensive would it have been to add those two letters and make it a correct sentence? Wasn’t there anyone at the Public Works Yard who knew correct grammar usage?

>>sigh<<

We can’t fight the tide. Language changes. It is the essential nature of living languages that they grow and alter. It’s just really hard on the English teachers.

(and don’t get me started on ‘their’ being used as a gender neutral singular pronoun instead of a plural!)

 

expensive trophies July 12, 2011

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 10:49 pm
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I’ve been pondering lately about the expenses involved in keeping a trophy wife.  Every once in a while I think that this is a job I should take on, since it is not too far off of my princess status, but truth be told, I am a trifle too practical to take it seriously.  However, I do see some who definitely do (like all those horrendous “Wives of…” shows on tv).   It seems to me there is probably a much less expensive option out there, but in the spirit of informing the potential husbands of those trophy wives, here are some of the costs involved in our area:

1. hair.  $50 a month for cut and blow-dry.  $100 for colour this one might be monthly or every couple of months, depending on the style.

2. nails. $50 a month  (actually this is usually a 3 week thing, but we’ll round down)

3. facials. $100 month at a spa.  Plus the daily products used between spa visits, which can range from $20 to $200.

4. massage.  $75 a week for the truly pampered.

5. wardrobe and accessories.  a real shopper who is devoted to designer labels can spend a thousand dollars or more  in a month.  Count on a minimum of $250 for a more frugal wife.

6. housekeeper.  five hours a week $100

7. nanny. $100 a day (yes, I don’t know why they are less than housekeepers, either)

8. gifts.  budget for at least $100 a month in flowers and gifts.  If you’re buying orchids or roses by the dozen, make that $500.  If your gifts are jewellery add $1000.

9. car.  Appearance if very important if you have a trophy wife, so she’d better have a trophy car.  Something Italian is good, German is a close second.  $50,000 is about the minimum price here.

10.  the car needs to be parked in front of the trophy house.  Around here, $650,000 will get you a really deluxe home, but in most places you’d have to go over a million.

11. lunches

12. gym- $50 a month membership

13. alcohol- wine with every meal and at all those lunches with the girls

14. entertainment- lunches with the girls several times a week, theatre, concerts, movies.  Frequent diversions are necessary.  $200 a week.  Minimum.

15. therapy- psych bills are expensive, so is retail therapy.  Either way, $150 a week.

 

Anything I’m missing?

 

What do you think?

 

The Cat Years July 5, 2011

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:25 am
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Over the years, when I’ve been teaching grade eight or nine, I’ve printed off The Cat Years by Sid Burns to leave in the waiting area at Parent Teacher conference time.  Parents come up to me, clutching the paper and asking, “Is this true?  Will it end?”  They thank me profusely for giving them this lovely little metaphorical piece  that puts adolescence into such clear view.  It gives them hope that their adolescent child will grow out of the surly insolence and anti-parent behaviors that cause them so much distress.  I generally tell them that they can expect their dog back sometime in grade 10, and they leave with hope in their breasts.  Hope provides the power to endure.  Enjoy the piece by clicking the link above.

 

in spite of themselves July 4, 2011

Filed under: anecdotes,Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:21 am
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Yesterday I touched on a common thing with 13-14 year olds, that they have to challenge the adults and complain.  It’s nothing personal, it’s just their way of asserting their autonomy, even if it hurts them more than anyone else.

We have an old family video that illustrates this well.  I’m a baby, so my brother is about 14.  The family is off to Vancouver Island to  spend time at my dad’s company cabin on Long Beach, in what is now Pacific Rim National Park.   While the rest of the family sits out in the wind enjoying the ferry ride, bro is sitting inside with a comic book, ignoring everyone else.   When the camera comes near him, he scowls.  Later, I’m toddling along the shore, my sister is playing with a dingy in the waves with a friend, and again, bro is reading a comic and scowling.  After several days, he was finally bored with his comics and went exploring.  He met an old beach comber who let him tag along.  Bro was fascinated by this old guy and his stories.  When it came time to go, he scowled because he had to leave.  When we watch the video and tease him about this, he says, “I was stupid.  I don’t know what I was thinking.”

I do.  He was being a poster boy for the oppositional nature of adolescence.

The last week of school I arranged a game for my class.  The worst whiner grumbled as usual.  I made him play the game.  He participated, laughed and had fun.  Afterwards, I pointed out that because he complained so much, he missed out on things he’d really enjoy.  He smirked and admitted that he knew that.  He observed that sometimes his parents force him to do things, and when he finds himself enjoying the activity, he has to make a point of complaining a bit so they ‘don’t think they won.’

That just about sums it up, doesn’t it?  Opposition for the sake of opposition!  Thankfully, sometime around their 15th birthdays they discover they can assert their own autonomy without opposing everyone else’s.  That’s when they reach maturity.

Just like a fruit that looks as if it’s ripe, adolescence needs a little sour time to properly develop into sweet maturity.

 

The Middle Planet July 3, 2011

Filed under: Commentary — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:22 am
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For the last year, I have been working in a Middle School teaching grades six, seven and eight.  For the eighteen years previous, I have worked in Secondary Schools teaching grades eight to twelve.  I have worked with Girl Guides of Middle School age level and I had taught grade eight in high school, so I figured it would be a fairly straight forward adjustment.  It wasn’t.

It was strangely reminiscent of my year as an exchange student.  The mantra definitely applied:  Not better, not worse, just different.

I learned a lot from my year on Planet Middle School.  Here are some pure generalizations.  Obviously there are exceptions, but in most cases, this is what I observed.

High schoolers are often juggling jobs with school.  Some are balancing babies. I am used to respecting their need to have some flexibility with deadlines. Middle Schoolers want to be allowed to make their own decisions about time.  Unfortunately, many don’t have the maturity to see the consequences if they don’t use the time that they are given wisely and they procrastinate about the deadlines until they can’t possibly catch up.  Lesson:  Check with them every  day to make sure they are keeping up.

High Schoolers in our semester system get four classes a day, 84 minutes each.  They are able to focus, with breaks and variety, for the entire class. Middle Schoolers, particularly boys, can’t concentrate for much longer than 30 minutes, and they really need some physical activity in their day.  Lesson: incorporate movement into the class room through games, group work, carousel activities, etc.

Middle school kids complain and say that they don’t want to do anything that you suggest.  In High School, I grant my students the right to make these decisions, and will modify lessons to accommodate their opinions.  If you listen to Middle Schoolers’ complaints, you will never do anything fun, because they are afraid of being un-cool.  They don’t want to welcome any suggestion that comes from an adult about what they would enjoy.  Lesson:  Play the game despite the whining.  Force them to participate and then chuckle behind your hand as they laugh and thoroughly enjoy themselves.  It’s their job to be oppositional at this developmental stage.

Secondary students expect to be treated as young adults.  They are willing to accept the consequences of their actions, and they can understand what those consequences are when they are explained.  They have real, complicated lives and they appreciate when the teacher works with them to  help them do the best they can in their personal situation.  Middle School students want to be treated as young adults, but they aren’t able to clearly recognise consequences.  They are more likely to be ruled by their emotions.  Lesson: give them opportunity to voice their opinions and feelings in a respectful manner, but provide a lot of safe structure.

Secondary students are generally respectful of individuals and property.  If something goes missing, they tend to take it personally, and will work to ensure that it is returned to the owner.  Middle students have less impulse control and so things disappear around them.  They are too concerned about their status in the group to risk telling what they know.   Lesson:  lock up any valuables, don’t bring anything to the class room that you aren’t willing to have wrecked or stolen.

High schoolers know that they are responsible for their future and that working well with adults is a necessary skill.  Middle schoolers are resentful of adults and their power.  The Middle schooler needs to push the limits and challenge adults.   It is important that there are adults who can recognise the learning that happens in that challenging, while providing clear boundaries.  What the kids want to know, is where those boundaries are.  They are happiest when they can function within them.  Lesson: be honest with genuine questions, but insist on respect to everyone in the room.  Be consistent in your expectations and responses.

When I was in grade six, I had a fantastic year  and made some life-long friends.  For grade seven I went to Junior High and more lasting friends.  Several of these friends are still in my life, decades later.  I had two really great years in grades 6 and 7.  Then we moved and I went into grade eight in a new school.  It was not a good year.  It was a year of learning how to be in a new environment.  I kept looking back with bitter sweet fondness to the two great years just past, as I struggled to adapt to new ways of doing things, new people, new attitudes and a new life.

Memories of those years came to me several times over this year.  I had just had two of the best years of my career  in the high school before I accepted a job in Middle School.  I’d had classes that had bonded tightly together, and I loved going to work every day to spend time with them.  At the Middle School, I experienced the same kind of jolt I had years ago when I was a grade eight myself.  As I attempted to adapt to new methodologies, new people, and new ideas this year,  I frequently felt awkward, uncomfortable and unappreciated in the new environment.

It was a hard year. It wasn’t bad, though, it was just challenging.  I couldn’t coast on the way I’ve done things for years in the high school. I had to find new ways to deal with the new reality.  I wish I had the knowledge at the beginning of the year that I had at the end.  It was frustrating for me not to be as good  as I wanted to be (or expected to be)  in my class room.  If I have the chance to do it again, there are a lot of things I’d do differently.  I would apply all those lessons I learned.  Middle School is an energetic and amusing place to be if you know how to live on the balance point that is  the special ‘in between’ place that these students inhabit.

 

5 things July 1, 2011

Filed under: Commentary,Writing — Shawn L. Bird @ 11:32 pm
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Jane Friedman is a professor and blogger.  She was a publisher with Writers’ Digest, and is still a contributing editor for them.  Her blog is at

http://blog.writersdigest.com/norules/

Today, I’d like to direct you to this blog: http://writerunboxed.com/2011/06/24/5-things-more-important-than-talent/

Enjoy!