Today one of my students was singing show tunes to himself as he packed up at the end of class. As I placed the musical, and we got talking, I told him this story. It occurred to me that I haven’t shared this one with you all.
When I was about 8, my parents took me to the Banff School of Fine Art’s production of Fiddler on the Roof. I remember the excitement of driving from Calgary to Banff, I remember falling asleep in the car on the drive home, and I remember loving the music. We bought the album, and I sang those tunes constantly. I particularly loved “Far From the Home I Love” which is sung by daughter Hodel as she goes to Siberia to join Perchik.
When I was in grade seven, our school mounted a production of Fiddler on the Roof. Auditions were announced. I wanted to be Hodel. I went down to the drama room, heart pounding, and discovered that grade 9, Richie Eichler was going to play Tevye. My heart stopped.
My little trio of friends called him the Maharaja, because he was always surrounded by a harem of girls. He was funny, kind of goofy looking, and we couldn’t quite figure out what the attraction was, but we were in awe of it, nonetheless. At least, I was. I was petrified of auditioning in front of Richie Eichler. He didn’t know me at all, of course. There was absolutely no reason for my panic, but I was paralyzed. I couldn’t do the audition.
A few months later, I sat in the audience and watched the girl playing Hodel butcher my song. She couldn’t sing at all, and so she recited it like a poem. It was a knife turning in my gut. I could sing. I could have brought the audience to tears with that song. I sing it with tears pouring down my face even today. It’s the kind of song that the audience is crushed by. I felt guilty. I was angry with myself for not having the courage to go through the audition, because I would have gotten the part, and I would have been good. It was a painful lesson. I decided the next opportunity, to act in Fiddler on the Roof, I would audition for Hodel.
You may be able to guess what happened. I never found another production of it. Now I could perhaps play Golde, but I will never be able to play young Hodel. I had one chance, and I lost it.
Stupid.
I have won many other auditions over the years, and had the opportunity to sing other roles, but the role that sparked my star-struck dreams was never to be mine.
Damn Richie Eichler! Damn my pointless fears!
Never let your imagined worries stop you from taking hold of your dreams. You may not get a second chance.
.
.
PS. As a matter of trivia for Grace Awakening fans- The real Lloyd played trumpet in the orchestra for this production. I remembered him quite distinctly playing in the band for Fiddler, when we met officially for the first time a couple years later as teen volunteers at Kelowna General Hospital.
My daughter walked into the living room and froze.
Shawn L. Bird 
in spite of themselves July 4, 2011
Tags: adolescence, autonomy, postaday2011
Yesterday I touched on a common thing with 13-14 year olds, that they have to challenge the adults and complain. It’s nothing personal, it’s just their way of asserting their autonomy, even if it hurts them more than anyone else.
We have an old family video that illustrates this well. I’m a baby, so my brother is about 14. The family is off to Vancouver Island to spend time at my dad’s company cabin on Long Beach, in what is now Pacific Rim National Park. While the rest of the family sits out in the wind enjoying the ferry ride, bro is sitting inside with a comic book, ignoring everyone else. When the camera comes near him, he scowls. Later, I’m toddling along the shore, my sister is playing with a dingy in the waves with a friend, and again, bro is reading a comic and scowling. After several days, he was finally bored with his comics and went exploring. He met an old beach comber who let him tag along. Bro was fascinated by this old guy and his stories. When it came time to go, he scowled because he had to leave. When we watch the video and tease him about this, he says, “I was stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
I do. He was being a poster boy for the oppositional nature of adolescence.
The last week of school I arranged a game for my class. The worst whiner grumbled as usual. I made him play the game. He participated, laughed and had fun. Afterwards, I pointed out that because he complained so much, he missed out on things he’d really enjoy. He smirked and admitted that he knew that. He observed that sometimes his parents force him to do things, and when he finds himself enjoying the activity, he has to make a point of complaining a bit so they ‘don’t think they won.’
That just about sums it up, doesn’t it? Opposition for the sake of opposition! Thankfully, sometime around their 15th birthdays they discover they can assert their own autonomy without opposing everyone else’s. That’s when they reach maturity.
Just like a fruit that looks as if it’s ripe, adolescence needs a little sour time to properly develop into sweet maturity.
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