poem- Okanagan sunset

poem- Okanagan sunset January 5, 2014

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 5:43 pm
Tags: alliteration, assonance, consonance, haiku, metaphor, personification, simile, sunset

Inferno fills sky,

flames roil like crashing sea,

cremating the sun.

Comments (13)

13 Responses to “poem- Okanagan sunset”

RoSy Says:
January 5, 2014 at 6:40 pm
I would say so. 😉

Reply
pi314chron Says:
January 5, 2014 at 7:21 pm
Actually, by my count (if “roil” is pronounced as two syllables) you’re spot-on with 17 syllables, but, as we both know, there is no requirement in English-language haiku for 17 syllables. In any case, a charming and descriptive haiku.

Ron

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- Shawn L. Bird Says:
  January 5, 2014 at 7:41 pm
  That’s true. Good point.
  
  Reply
fergusandthedruid Says:
January 5, 2014 at 7:34 pm
I think too few actually, you could add a “the” before crashing and it would be a haiku!

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- Shawn L. Bird Says:
  January 5, 2014 at 7:42 pm
  My verbs were all progressive (-ing) when I started, but I tightened them up. I probably counted before the edit. 🙂 There you go.
  
  Reply
MW Moore Says:
January 5, 2014 at 8:59 pm
An Anglicized haiku?

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- Shawn L. Bird Says:
  January 5, 2014 at 9:48 pm
  Indeed.
  
  Reply
domtakis Says:
January 5, 2014 at 10:55 pm
very nice!

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- Shawn L. Bird Says:
  January 5, 2014 at 11:10 pm
  Thanks.
  
  Reply
alienorajt Says:
January 6, 2014 at 2:30 am
Stunning imagery; love it! B***** the exact number of syllables, I say: one can become too pedantic about such things. Perfect just as it is!!

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- Shawn L. Bird Says:
  January 6, 2014 at 6:54 pm
  Thanks.
  
  Reply
words4jp Says:
January 12, 2014 at 5:28 am
A lovely description of a sunset. I can see it in my mind. (I am not certain if you posted a photo. I am accessing your site from my phone. I, however, do not need a photo when I read this piece;)

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- Shawn L. Bird Says:
  January 12, 2014 at 11:40 am
  I did not have a camera, so I took the picture with words. When I arrived home, many of my FB friends had posted phone photos of it, but none was as stunning as what I saw. I hope the words convey it.
  
  Reply