So who is real? Is it that person you show to the outside world: positive, inspiring, encouraging, or is it that person at your house, who is easily irritated, critical of others, and unforgiving? Is it the self-controlled person people see in the community, or is it the ranting lunatic at home?
Someone today was commenting about a mutual acquaintance and observing to me that we are all probably two people- the public person and the private person. She theorized that how genuine we are is revealed by how similar those manifestations of ourselves are.
The more disparate the identities, the more difficult it is for the others who have to live with us. They can feel like there is no consistency when they’ll be loved or attacked. Isn’t it odd that someone can have no respect for clients, but be able to be very courteous with them, and yet come home and be cruel to those that s/he apparently loves? I have had people point out how loved and admired they are in the community, but I have also seen their unadmirable cruelties at home. Is the public self our idealized vision of who we want to be, and the private or family self is the imperfect, obnoxious reality? We are angel and demon in one.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we treated the people we live with, with the same respect, courtesy and consideration we afford to strangers? I think we should wear out our criticism of those we love with long walks, work outs at the gym or journals set to burn. We should be building up our spouses and kids, not ripping apart their self-worth.
May our public and private selves be one.
Shawn L. Bird 