Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

Miss you October 11, 2010

Filed under: Friendship,Grace Awakening — Shawn L. Bird @ 7:46 am

Today I’m remembering my friend Lloyd.  Lloyd and I met in Kelowna General Hospital where we were both youth volunteers.  Within a few minutes of meeting we discovered not only that we had both lived in Calgary, but that we had actually been in the same junior high in grade seven.  I even remembered him playing trumpet in the orchestra for the school musical.  This connection forged us into fast friends, and we never looked back.

Lloyd was funny.  He was quick witted and he was a master of puns.  We didn’t live near each other, and we didn’t attend the same school, but for a couple of years we routinely went out to movies together and giggled through our evenings.  At first I wondered whether we were brewing a romance, but he was pretty clear that we were ‘just friends,’ and that was okay with me.  I had romances brewing other places, and I was happy to enjoy my very entertaining friend.

Lloyd had his demons though, and sadly his demons overtook him while he was still a young man. He died more than a decade ago.  I miss him a lot and think of him often.  I wish he’d had the strength to carry on.  I wish he’d stayed around to find a love and a family of his own.  I wish he knew how valued he was.

I dedicated Grace Awakening to Lloyd and named a character after him.  They’re quite a lot alike, Grace’s Lloyd and mine.  In particular, they share a sense of humour that leaves everyone groaning as they chuckle.  I loved visiting Lloyd as I wrote elements of him into the pages of this book; it was like my friend was living again in the words.  When readers come up to me shaking their heads and saying, “I love Lloyd!” I smile and say, “Yeah, me too.”

Miss you, Lloyd.  Keep ’em groaning in heaven.

 

beguiling August 22, 2010

Filed under: Grace Awakening,Pondering — Shawn L. Bird @ 7:11 pm
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I’m just thinking about the way we sometimes get attached to things that are not good for us. Something tantalizes us and we are drawn, perhaps against our common sense, perhaps completely innocently. Suddenly we are trapped as attachments glue us firmly to the thing that beguiles us.

It might be a person we fall for. It might be a substance. Others can look at us and see the dangers. We are blind to them in the immersion of our delight as the endorphins of discovery flood our senses.

Our intoxication might destroy us, as alcohol, cigarettes and heroin break down those who adore them.  In a short time or a long time their impact is always negative.  However, what beguiles us might benefit us.  While it might fill us with a gleeful obsession for years, it may also act as muse, fueling dreams and imaginings.  So while others only noticed irritating dangers looming over us, some take the danger, celebrate it, and turn it into something beautiful.

Petrarca’s obsession is a case in point.  Sure his adoration of Laure endured for decades, well past the time she was moldering in her crypt in Avignon.  The poetic expression of his obsession has lasted even longer, coming onto seven centuries.    Petrarca prayed to be released from it, to be free to focus his adoration on his God.  The writings at the end of his life suggest he felt he reached the stage of relief eventually, but thankfully the hundreds of poems about her remain as a testimony to the benefits of obsessive adoration and addiction to an ideal.

 

Memory rippling over fire July 29, 2010

Filed under: Grace Awakening,Literature — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:28 am

Memory distorts with time, like air rippling over a fire—what is gone becomes only more precious, becomes only more precious, becomes a yearning, a perfect dream.  Every word of those letters, every moment I shared with him, has been memorized in the language of a dream continuously visited, revisited.  The letters are gone but only haunt me more; I close my eyes and remember the words by heart.  I have nothing of the girl I used to be, aside from those old dreams.  I have become a ghost of myself.” (p. 88.  The King’s Rose  Alisa M. Libby)

Well Alisa, I couldn’t have said that better myself.  I bet Auntie Bright could completely relate to this sentiment!

 

time travelling July 25, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Grace Awakening,Writing — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:02 am
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Writing is a way of communicating across time and space. As a teen, I remember a friend ruminating about how his letter was going to time travel to me, and that when I read it, a week or so hence, I’d be in his past. When I read my teen diaries, I’m conscious that I am time travelling back to visit with another self, and I wish I had a little more of value to say about the times and experiences I was having! I was, sadly, a very boring diarist, as I explored my particular obsession ad nauseum. Nonetheless, the power of that time travel is still with me. My diaries are messages to the future that are still there, waiting for an even further flung future. My thoughts, my worries, my dreams are all congealing on those pages, just waiting for a future someone to read the message. Unfortunately, the communication is one way. How I wish I could send a message back to that young diarist and tell her that it would all work out: every last bit of it, as perfectly as could be wished, and assure her that she would find the meaning of the life story she was struggling to understand.

These days, I am spending a lot of time with Francesco Petrarca, a man who loved to write as much as he loved to read. Letters, poetry, essays were left behind him in a tidal wave of very well edited paper. He left us so many messages to the future that are still quoted by philosophers, theologians, historians, and poets. He was a fascinating guy, and it is amusing to read some of the commentators who evaluate Petrarca’s own perception of himself. He was apparently a blatantly proud self-promoter, using his celebrity with aplomb and thoroughly satisfied with his own worth. Although he wrote of his frailties of faith, his words suggest that he was humbly proud. He would be blissful that we are still pouring over his words today, and yet not particularly surprised about it. He believed his words were worth something significant; after all, his master work was his “Letter to Posterity” which he fully intended for people to be reading long after his death.

I am absolutely adoring the ‘Franco’ who is being revealed to me as I read his writings, and those of the philosophers, historians and such who have analyzed his life. I think I’m falling head over heels in love with him, actually. Funny how his intellectual charisma reaches across time through his words, and draws us to him. I can see him at a cocktail party, gathering an audience as he asks tricky questions, delights in argument and good conversation, and has everyone enchanted. Thanks for your words, Franco. I wish I could travel back to 1370 and tell you myself.

 

Sonnet for Grace 2 July 24, 2010

Filed under: Grace Awakening,Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 9:01 pm
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Your eyes awaken tender dreams in me

That call across mere lifetimes to the past

Revealed as twinkling stars in skies so vast:

A universe that’s less than we can see.

Beyond the Earth the roof of Heaven glows;

Beneath the ground the molten rivers glide,

Yet in your love securely I abide.

Without you Hell is close, but Heaven knows

That love like ours parades across all time,

Encircling all who come within its arms.

No sorrow can hold long against a joy

entreating me to fill the world with rhyme.

We rise on love above all Earthly harm

For death has lost its power to destroy.

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Persona of Ben writing about Grace again.  Poor guy. He’s got it bad.

(I really do need to work on proper sonnet structure that incorporates a volta.  You don’t  see one in this, do you?  No?  I didn’t, either.  Sigh.)

 

celebrating Petrarca July 23, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Grace Awakening,Reading,Writing — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:22 am
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On July 20 & 19, 2010 it was the 306th anniversary of the birth of Francesco Petrarch in Arezzo, Italy and the 236th anniversary of his death in Arqua near Padua Italy 70 years later.

Petrarca will feature prominently in my life over the next few years, and I am finding him a fascinating man to get to know. Aside from his romantic tale of woe, as re-told briefly in Grace Awakening, he was a significant intellect of his time. It was his interest in Classical studies that ushered in the Renaissance. He was the one that coined the term, “The Dark Ages” for the Medieval period when men of intellect stopped studying the classics and lost themselves in church pronouncements and reinterpretations of history.  His writings were used to establish the  language rules for modern Italian.  He was declared the Poet Laureate of Rome in 1341 when he was only 35 years old.  His name is attached to the sonnet form he developed: the Italian or Petrarchan sonnet.

As Petrarca travelled around Italy and France, he collected the finest library in Christendom, one fought over after his death.  Here is a man who loved learning, celebrated travelling for new experiences, delved into history to better understand himself, climbed mountains for the aestetic of seeing the view at the top, struggled with faith, and loved purely with a devotion that was stronger than death.

One of the most wonderful (and challenging) things about Petrarca is that he was a prolific writer.  He wrote volumes and volumes about his life, his thoughts, and his beliefs. He wrote poetry about his love. He wrote biographies of those he admired. He wrote letters to his friends. Most of his writings survive, because his genius was well-recognised at the time. There is a lot of material to go through!

As I unfold the layers of his life, I hope that I can do justice to the story and that the embellishments I bring will be worthy of him.  He is surprising and amazing me at every turn.    It’s not going to be a quick book to write.  I have 70 years of writings to work through and tons of things to learn about the time and place.  I just hope this amazing man will captivate you when I am finally able to introduce you to him in a few years.

 

love love love July 17, 2010

Filed under: Grace Awakening,Pondering — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:19 am
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From Grace Awakening

Bright to Grace about Jim:

“He is everything I need and I’m better in all ways because of him”

Bright’s not the only one who knows how blessed she is. 

 I was recently asked the secret to a long marriage.  It’s quite simple, really:  Stay married. 

When things are difficult, stick them out.  When you’re angry, talk it out.  Even when you want to, don’t walk out. 

Celebrate every joy.  Appreciate all the little things. 

Happy 25th Anniversary, my love. 

Aren’t you glad that I’m still the same age I was at the wedding?

 

prequel preparation July 8, 2010

Filed under: Commentary,Grace Awakening,Writing — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:52 am
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When one begins an enterprise, it is not uncommon that the effort required to reach the goal is under-estimated. I’m sure there are many ventures that are begun and soon abandoned when the scope of the effort begins to unfold. The other option is to dig deeply and find the resources to plow ahead. The harvest will be worth the effort, no matter how many stones appear in the field during the seeding time.

Here I find myself, as I develop the Grace Awakening prequel. I had not expected to have quite so much research ahead of me, and yet as I realise I need to know this or that thing, I find my natural curiosity making the task that much sweeter. It definitely slows down the progress, but the vision is slowly revealing itself. I’m excited to be at the beginning of this journey.

I’m lucky that I am one who enjoys process as much as product. I am able to enjoy the journey as well as the destination. I suppose if I could not, that I wouldn’t be able to take the beginning steps. But here I am, glowing with anticipation at the difficulties ahead. This is going to be a wonderful trip!

 

birthing a world July 4, 2010

Filed under: Grace Awakening,Writing — Shawn L. Bird @ 12:58 am
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How ironic that my last entry was about fantasy and reality, because without warning I’m falling into fantasy. It’s an interesting sensation. A new world is opening like a chasm and I am tumbling into it. It’s tugging on an arm and a leg, and it’s filling my head. I will lose touch with my reality as it grows.  I can feel the new place pulling me away.

Last year when readers were begging for a continuation of Grace Awakening, I didn’t know what to offer them. I asked what they wanted to know and they were vague. They just wanted more. I let the idea simmer for a few days before a glimmer came to me. “What about a prequel?” I finally suggested. “Yes!” they shouted. I could tell of some of those past lives Grace sees images of.  I could tell about Bright’s past experiences.  They were thrilled with whatever came.  The readers wanted to know about it all, if only I would write it.

After a year of simmering, the story is beginning to unfold itself. I find myself moving about my day with only half my consciousness attentive to my activities. Scenes are revealing themselves, characters are asking to be born, and a world is stretching into being. My fingers are twitching, and the words are about to appear on the screen.

Come along for the ride.

 

after the Eclipse July 2, 2010

Filed under: Grace Awakening,Literature,Reading,Writing — Shawn L. Bird @ 2:22 am
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The problem with spending time in a fantasy world is that sometimes it’s very hard to leave and return to the world of reality.

I have a friend who was raised in a huge Catholic family. Her dad was an illiterate farmer. He valued farm chores. He did not value education, and he especially did not value reading. Being discovered shirking one’s chores with a book was asking for a beating. I can kind of appreciate the anger. When your children have escaped into a book or movie, they are out of your control. They are being exposed to ideas that may differ from your own. A lot of people fear ideas that are different from their own, and that is why we have censorship. Ideas are free. Control is not.

I came out of the Eclipse matinee today, lost in the world of love, hard decisions, glorious Pacific scenery (the very roads of the Fraser Valley that we were driving last spring break), and the passions of youth. I have felt a little bittersweet all day, as I fight not to go back and read through the series again. (I just read them all last weekend for about the twentieth time, afterall, and I watched the movies 3X this week already).  My emotions have been highjacked by Twilight again.  It doesn’t matter that it has been a long time since I was engulfed in those passions of new love and the difficult decisions that last a lifetime, but it doesn’t seem like it. Whether those feelings were thirty years ago or three years ago, the intensity of them doesn’t change. Auntie Bright and Grace discuss this at the end of Grace Awakening,

. “Have you heard how the archaeologists have excavated three thousand year old honey from within the pyramids?”
(Grace) nodded and whispered, “Yes, they discovered it was still perfect, because bacteria don’t grow on honey.”
“Exactly. Like ancient honey, a first love remains ever incorruptible despite the passage of time. Though the boy may no longer exist, the memory of him is always pure and sweet.”

Like Bright, I’m feeling somewhat lost at the moment in the ache and joy of nostalgia. Those intense feelings are always just below the surface, and the Twilight Saga has woken them for many women, of all ages. Whether our heads remember all the details, our hearts recall each nuance of confusion, joy and adoration.   Stephenie Meyer’s created world pushes us back to that place.  It can be a wonderful place to revisit.  Being in love has a narcotic effect on the system.  It does us good to re-awaken those passions by escaping from our dreary every day.

Perhaps someone watching my vacant stares and unexplained flashes of smiles might be distressed.  Perhaps that fact that my thoughts are unknown would pain some people.  Not being quite in control of your head can be a problem.  On the other hand, it is amazing as a writer to know that words have that kind of power!   I bow to the brilliance that can take control of my emotions away from me, and remind me of  love’s power.

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I am so glad to have spent the last twenty-five years with the amazing and brilliant man who happily attends Twilight movies with me, discusses books, gives me valuable  writing critiques, tolerates my foibles, loves me beyond reason, and yes, does laundry. What a blessing I’ve been given.  I am reminded of this whenever I float out of the cloud of love and adoration rekindled by Twilight.

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I hope Grace Awakening leaves readers in a haze, wishing they were still lost in the story, spending time with Grace, Ben, Bright, Jim and the others. I hope they find themselves in the realm of memory, remembering the boys and men who first touched their hearts and awakened them to the grace of love.  I hope the fantasy rekindles their hearts to their reality.