Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

poem-distant February 8, 2015

Filed under: Poetry — Shawn L. Bird @ 3:53 pm
Tags: , , , ,

She wants him to journey

through her, trail his fingers

along paths of discovery,

raise mountains of delight,

explore lingual caverns,

create tsunamis of desire.

But travelling is work,

and he’s not up to the flight.

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17 Responses to “poem-distant”

  1. Sabra Bowers Says:

    Too bad he’s not!

  2. Viagra!! LOL!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. 4utu Says:

    You never disappoint!
    ๐Ÿ™‚
    Estela

  4. KaBoKi Says:

    Lovely work!

    I have such ways to go.

    • I like your work, it’s touching.
      Try playing with even numbered syllable counts in your lines. I notice you like 5 syllables which can feel abrupt. See what you think after using 4 or 6 on some lines? (Try a poem with 6 lines, building the syllable count: One, two, three, four, five, six) It’s fun to play with building and descending counts. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Rob McShane Says:

    Oh so sad! Nice piece Shawn…evocative and human!

  6. What a loss he brings on himself!

  7. loethe1 Says:

    Ok…what i got from this…she wants him to have sex….he’s not up for it….or 2. She wants him to get to know her better….he’s a little bit preoccupied probably with himself and he’s not up for it.
    Great writing!


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