I like your work, it’s touching.
Try playing with even numbered syllable counts in your lines. I notice you like 5 syllables which can feel abrupt. See what you think after using 4 or 6 on some lines? (Try a poem with 6 lines, building the syllable count: One, two, three, four, five, six) It’s fun to play with building and descending counts. π
Ok…what i got from this…she wants him to have sex….he’s not up for it….or 2. She wants him to get to know her better….he’s a little bit preoccupied probably with himself and he’s not up for it.
Great writing!
It’s the reader’s job to interpret and take away her/his own meaning. Once a poem is published, it’s meaning is in the eye of the beholder. π Your ideas work.
Too bad he’s not!
Indeed, Sabra!
Viagra!! LOL!! π
The ‘he’ isn’t interested in the trouble of flying, but I think his plane is probably air-worthy. π
You never disappoint!
π
Estela
Thank you, Estela.
Lovely work!
I have such ways to go.
I like your work, it’s touching.
Try playing with even numbered syllable counts in your lines. I notice you like 5 syllables which can feel abrupt. See what you think after using 4 or 6 on some lines? (Try a poem with 6 lines, building the syllable count: One, two, three, four, five, six) It’s fun to play with building and descending counts. π
I was speaking as a man or human but help with my fleeting work will always be a good thing. Thanks – Ill incorporate
I inspired myself by my comments to you, so today’s poem, “Made” is an example of what I was talking about. A little fun for Sunday.
Reblogged this on write what you think is right.
Oh so sad! Nice piece Shawn…evocative and human!
Thank you, Rob.
What a loss he brings on himself!
indeed.
a common failing among us all!
Ok…what i got from this…she wants him to have sex….he’s not up for it….or 2. She wants him to get to know her better….he’s a little bit preoccupied probably with himself and he’s not up for it.
Great writing!
It’s the reader’s job to interpret and take away her/his own meaning. Once a poem is published, it’s meaning is in the eye of the beholder. π Your ideas work.