I have just had a shocking epiphany. Once upon a time when I was in elementary school, I had a wild crush on a scrawny, goofy nerd. When I looked back at this memory while I was writing Grace Awakening, I had a sense of moral superiority over my affection for the kid. He had his talents, sure, and a sense of humour to boot, but he wasn’t building his biceps in the gym after school and he wasn’t going to be signed in any model search. In fact, I built the first meeting of Ben and Grace on the foundations of this premise: that her first sight of him has no impact because he’s “just another band dweeb to pass in the halls,” until he starts playing his music and she loses herself in the inexplicable connection as their destinies entwined. It was important that there was no attraction before that moment.
Well, now I have to re-think everything.
I just saw a photo of said nerdy guy, at just the age when I first saw him. He’s cute. Nerdly cute, of course, but most definitely cute. What the heck?! I honestly don’t remember such cuteness! But there it is. Plainly, that year at least, if not in the following ones, there was decided cuteness. It’s kind of a Justin Bieber in Drew Carey’s glasses thing. Strange. Cute.
I am agog. I can see that before such cuteness I would obviously have been helpless to resist. Apparently I am far more shallow than I thought. How humbling. I may have to re-think that entire first chapter of Grace Awakening.
Or maybe not. Grace and Ben have their own history that doesn’t have anything to do with my history. But still. I built that chapter on a ‘germ of truth’ that turns out to be a ‘germ of untruth.’ It’s quite discombobulated me. When the germ of truth that became the story is wrong, all that’s left is story. Grace is once again claiming her own reality and leaving me baffled.
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PS. I wish I could show you the photo, but that would probably get me into trouble. So you’re just going to have to trust me on this one: cute.
Well. I might be able to show you the photo. Email me if you remember the kid in question. I might share.
Shawn L. Bird 
I really like this entry. Funny how looking back we tend to remember people differently. I had a guy, in elementary school who I recently saw a picture of and yes, he too was cute. So I know what you are talking about. I had to rethink some ideas too. Great blog. I am a retired teacher, writer now. Thanks for stopping by my husband’s blog, No Fi Jazz Cafe. Sharon Scott
Thanks for stopping by!
Reblogged this on Shawn L. Bird and commented:
This post came up when I asked for a random post. It made me chuckle, so I thought I’d share it with you, being as there are some ten thousand more of you reading my posts now, than did back when I first posted it! 🙂 Enjoy!
No, you’re not shallow. I just don’t know what’s wrong with some of us when we’re young but there certainly is something wrong! I thought I was so ugly and fat when young and now when I look at my photos I think, wow! Gorgeous! What was I thinking? QED: youth is wasted on the young? 😦
lol
I really like this! (and your first draft chapter too). I also think it is odd how certain people get frozen in your brain in one manner like you describe, and a retro-vision moment changes them in your memory.
Indeed! The book itself is available (click the purchase link at right). 🙂 I can begin to count the number of poems that came out of the 8 years of that relationship (aka obsession aka adoration).
This is interesting in that you now feel that you might have created characters based on an untruth. I think this could bring more realization (for you as the writer) of Grace’s attitude towards Ben. In real life, you experienced a youthful perspective towards your real-life nerd-crush, and you based some characters on that experience. The perspective wasn’t an untruth, even though your perspective may have changed due to maturity or experience. If anything, you may have a better notion of how Grace’s perspective might change as her relationship with Ben is formed. I hope this epiphany fuels your story instead of hinders it.
Oops, sorry. I just realized this is a post from a few years ago, pre-final draft and publication. My final sentence should read “I hope this epiphany FUELED your story instead of HINDERED it.”
The novel had been out a couple of years when I had the epiphany and wrote this post, so it was far too late to impact the writing, however, it does still astonish me whenever I think about it!
Nerds rock!! 😀
They do! 🙂
Represent for the cute nerds of the world! Personally, the bookworm nerds always got me. I couldn’t have cared less about the jocks; I couldn’t take them seriously because I assumed, being a nerd myself, that I wouldn’t be able to have an intelligent conversation with them. So I guess that made me a nerdy snob. Ah well…
I was all over the musical nerds, myself. 😉 (And I confess, I married one, as did my husband!) 😉