…we are never the people we think we are. We are the ones we pretend, with all our hearts, we can’t become. (Jodie Picoult, The Tenth Circle. p. 171)
How many times have we said it? “I will never be like my mother!” As teens we plan to completely re-write our history and do things entirely differently, and yet, faced with unruly children, we find our mother’s words coming out of our mouths and see our mother’s actions in our own.
If this is true for us, then our mothers echoed their mothers back through time. My motherhood style may have originated with my great, great, great, great, great, great grandmother. It is a much bigger task to pull away from generations of history. It’s nature versus nurture. Generations of genetic history are revealed every time we remind a kid to clean his room or to feed the dog.
But there is nurture to contend with as well. We can reprogram a lot of our essential nature with parenting classes or a well-rounded education, but left to ourselves we can never get very far from the words our mothers uttered from the moment we were born, just like they didn’t get away from their mothers’ words .
It’s a little daunting, isn’t it? It helps to remember amid the overwhelming realities of life: your mother loves you. Even though you’re as screwed up as she is.
Shawn L. Bird 