Shawn L. Bird

Or it my case, the brutal crush of the criticism.

I live in a world that requires critical evaluation. Every year I have my students complete a questionnaire about their year so I can use their feedback to become a better teacher the next year. I submit my literary babies to be studied by editors whose job is finding things I did badly. When I have a harp lesson, the teacher’s job is to tell me what are the weak areas in my playing. When I am taking a dance class, the teacher’s job is to point me out in the middle of class and say, “You’re not doing that move correctly”

In every aspect of my life, I expect to be offered helpful advice. In many cases I am paying good money to be told that I stink at something. What would be the point of doing any of these things if I didn’t want to get better at them? How could I get better at them without someone showing me exactly what I’m doing wrong?

This is why I don’t understand the people who ask for advice, but spend all their time arguing or denying when the suggestions are given.

I’ve been to Author Blue Pencils where the author critiquing my work spends more time telling me that I’m free to take or leave her suggestions than actually giving me practical advice.  Now I tell them straight out that I’m there to listen. Most recently, I tell them exactly what I want them to help me with.  e.g. “I think this area is weak, what suggestions can you make?” or “Is this exposition clear enough?”  They are always so relieved that I really want honesty and that I can ask intelligent questions to clarify what they’re telling me that I get great feedback. Even if I disagree with them, when I’ve heard their advice, I go home and look at the work and ponder. I almost always edit later taking their suggestions into account. People who are successful in your field will give you invaluable information, what kind of fool are you when you discount it?

I am okay with separating an action from my personal value. Because I don’t do a ‘half Amaya hip slide’ correctly, does not mean I’m stupid, incompetent, or bad. It means I need to spend some time working on that skill. That’s all.

Because I expect feedback and critiques in all areas of my life, I have trouble with people who get all defensive and argumentative when they are given advice. I tend to lay things out plainly and expect rational consideration.  I recognise that I have all the finesse of a blunt stick at times.  I don’t want to hear whining. I give my opinion. I just want them to consider what I am saying and how following my advice might improve their writing, business, or whatever.

So here is some advice for you: If someone offers you suggestions meant to help you, quit wasting your time complaining about the injustice of the comments or how the advisor is so mean to you and put your energy into thinking about the information they’ve given you. It doesn’t matter if you agree right away, but you have to start by accepting that there are other perspectives than your own and you have something to learn in studying other perspectives. If it is a professional comment, be professional in how your receive it.  Thank the client for telling you.  Many clients will simply smile, tell you things are great, but then they don’t return and they tell their friends what they didn’t like about your business.  Be very thankful for a client who helps you improve and grow.

No one who is successful in life runs from criticism.  It is the manna the feeds the improvements that they must build on.

Choose to be successful.