In Becca Fitzpatrick’s Hush, Hush, protagonist Nora has the following conversation with her widowed mother:
“How did you know you were in love with Dad?” I asked, striving to sound casual. There was always the chance that discussing Dad would bring on a tearfest , something I hoped to avoid.
Mom settled into the sofa and propped her feet up on the coffee table. “I didn’t. Not until we’d been married about a year.”
It wasn’t the answer I expected. “Then…why did you marry him?”
“Because I thought I was in love. And when you think you’re in love, you’re willing to stick it out and make it work until it is love.” (p. 188)
I like the sentiment expressed here. Attraction may be there in the beginning of a relationship, or it may grow on you, as you learn to appreciate the source of your affection. Sometimes you need to be persuaded of them. Sometimes they’re apparent to you immediately. Sometimes the reasons you are initially attracted change with time, and you grow to love and appreciate completely different facets of your beloved’s character.
The key, of course, is focusing on the positive. If in that first year, all you notice are the irritations, you’re going to be driven apart, rather than blossoming together in love. A mutual commitment to the relationship is necessary, as well as a desire to develop a strong and loving relationship. You have to make that choice, and do things to improve the relationship and the commitment.
Love may be powerful and visceral at times, but it is an emotion, and it is therefore volatile. Sometimes you will be angry, and anger may completely overwhelm any feelings of love that you have. Some days you will be frustrated, and frustration may completely destroy the respect and affection you feel for your partner. What do you do then? That’s when commitment comes in. When you’re committed to the relationship, anger, frustration and other irritations lose power. Commitment is the key to making a relationship grow, blossom, and allow it to seed joy, family, and support into your future.
When you give up love dies. When you’re each committed to being the best for each other, your love is strong enough to transcend time.
Just ask Ben and Grace about that.
Shawn L. Bird 