Shawn L. Bird

I was just making some Jell-o and so I decided to look for some quotes about Jell-o.  I arrived at the IMDB site for My Best Friend’s Wedding.  I have this DVD in my collection.  The pathos and comedy of the relationships in this movie are bittersweet and hilarious.  Here are some of my favorite quotes from the movie.  I think the fungus one is my favorite.  Sometimes we’re fungus.  It’s nice to have friends who love us anyway.

FYI: Juliannne is the protagonist who is a writer.  Michael is her best friend.  Kimmy is Michael’s young fiancee.  George is Julianne’s gay editor and the voice of reason.

Julianne: Well, he’s sort of wondering why you haven’t told your parents that the wedding’s off.

Kimmy: Well, I’m still hoping for a miracle, I suppose. I mean, how could he think that my father and I would do such a thing?

Julianne: Only a minor insight, you understand. Maybe Michael couldn’t commit to this marriage so he created a delusion, produced an unconscious, psychosomatic manifestation of… I’m better with food. Okay, you’re Michael, you’re in a fancy french restaurant, you order… creme brulee for dessert, it’s beautiful, it’s sweet, it’s irritatingly perfect. Suddenly, Michael realises he doesn’t want creme brulee, he wants something else.

Kimmy: What does he want?

Julianne: Jello.

Kimmy: Jello?! Why does he want jello?

Julianne: Because he’s comfortable with jello, jello makes him… comfortable. I realise, compared to creme brulee it’s… jello, but maybe that’s what he needs.

Kimmy: I could be jello.

Julianne: No! Creme brulee can never be jello, you could never be jello.

Kimmy: I have to be jello.

Julianne: You’re never gonna be jello. Now you have to come clean with your parents, because if you’re waiting for that “Do you take this man” part, it’s considered poor form.

Julianne: I’ll make this quick, or I’m gonna have this massive coronary, then you’ll never hear it, and you have to. This is, by far, the dumbest thikng I’ve ever done in my entire life. Uh, so dumb, in fact, that, uh, I can’t… Ohh, but I’m gonna.

Michael: What’s wrong?

Julianne: Michael, I love you. I’ve loved you for nine years, I’ve just been to arrogant and scared to realise it. And, well, now I’m jut scared. So, I realise this comes at a very inopportune time, but I really have this gigantic favour to ask of you. Choose me, marry me, let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favours, doesn’t it? [kisses him]

Julianne: [on phone] It is not going well! This is what comes of telling the truth! Or even part of it. You know, getting what you deserve isn’t fair!

George: [on phone] Where are you?

Julianne: [on phone] I have stolen a bread van and I am chasing Michael down Michigan Avenue. George, this is all your fault! I-I-I told him the truth, I said that I loved him and I kissed him and this is what’s happened.

George: [on phone] Jools, a question. When you kissed Michael, did he kiss you back?

Julianne: [on phone] What do you mean? We were lip-to-lip!

George: [on phone] I mean, was there anything on the other side of that kiss that leads you to believe that this chase will end happily?

Julianne: [on phone] That’s beside the point, we were interrupted.

George: [on phone] Who interrupted you?

Julianne: [on phone] Kimmy! She ruined everything, and Michael started chasing her before he could answer me!

George: [on phone] Michael’s chasing Kimmy?

Julianne: [on phone] Yes!

George: [on phone] You’re chasing Michael?

Julianne: [on phone] Yes!

George: [on phone] Who’s chasing you? Nobody. Get it! There’s your answer. Kimmy.

Julianne: [on phone] No!

George: [on phone] Yes. Jools, you are not the one! Now, for God’s sake, the wedding is at 6pm, you have a small, but distinct, window of opportunity to do the right thing. [hangs up]

Julianne: I have done nothing but under-handed, despicable, not even terribly imaginative things since I got here. But I was… Michael, I was just trying to… to win you. To win you back. But that doesn’t excuse any of it. I’m… pond scum. Well, lower actually, I’m like the fungus the feeds on pond scum.

Michael: Lower. The pus that infects the mucus, that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum… On the other hand, thank you. For loving me that much, that way, it’s pretty flattering.

Julianne: Except it makes me fungus.

Michael: Well, that part I knew