Shawn L. Bird

Original poetry, commentary, and fiction. All copyrights reserved.

quote-not talking September 5, 2012

“It’s better not talking about some things.”

“Not talking isn’t better.  Just easier”

~Monique Polak in The Middle of Everywhere. p. 148

I hate that ‘hide it under the rug’ thing that happens with some people.  No one ever discusses issues, so nothing changes.  People who are terrified of conflict, never discover the satisfaction of resolving an issue.  Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away.  A little healthy discourse can clear the air enough to bring people even closer.  Not talking keeps everyone in bubbles of isolation.

Talking is better.


3 Responses to “quote-not talking”

  1. It’s only better to have healthy discourse if both people can do so calmly.One of the reasons many people avoid conflict is because they’re afraid of the results of a heated discussion.I tried to talk to my sister about some issues I had only to find talking wasn’t what she wanted to do, shouting was better in order to drown me out. End result- not speaking for years and then she died with it all unresolved though by that time I’d already decided that it’s often better to let sleeping dogs lie.So I think we need to be more specific here, healthy discourse is better to clear the air ONLY if both protagonists are normal people without tempers.

    • Shawn Bird Says:

      Oh, I don’t mind a good temper. Think of all those wild, energizing (exhausting!) Italian families! lol It’s the repressed British side of the family that suffers in silent anxiety, terrified to say the wrong word and cause a commotion. To be honest, if the issues are aired, and one side absolutely can’t deal with it, and so insists on isolating him/herself, I’m not sure that that is really a problem. If you’re a calm, intelligent, reasonable person you might grieve the loss of that relationship, but how healthy was it? Are you better off letting that person go? If the other person didn’t have the maturity to be able to even listen to your viewpoint, what were they contributing to the relationship?

      Some issues you can agree to disagree on for the sake of family obligation; for example, not taking it personally that the other isn’t converting to your atheology/theology. Sometimes, wedges are impossible to dislodge, though. Then you have to decide if you’re going to be long-suffering or move on.

  2. Well I have to admit that I’m opinionated and can be brutally honest. I’m very much the Alpha Female. I don’t really try to sugarcoat anything. If people have something to say to me they’d better be ready for what comes out of my mouth. I’m not one to hold back. And I get more out spoken the older I get. I’ve had screaming and cursing matches with my cousins, sometimes winding up not speaking for years but usually they come around. They know well enough I don’t care if they ever speak to me again anyway. Conflict is inevitable. It is better not to hold things in, however hopefully anger won’t lead to physical violence.

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